Time out for "Reality"

There is a huge gap between what I last posted, and this new posting. A couple of months, I believe! This is an indicator that I have been much too busy in "The Real World" of work and sleep and work and sleep and chasing the almighty dollar... which these days is mighty tight...

In my little two halves of the brain world... I bounce between the left lobe of numbers, accounting, working business problems out, using the computer for spreadsheets and software that crunches numbers, IRS dealings, and other Government Agency reporting... ad nauseatum...

and the right lobe, where my heart resides... writing.

Having begun life as a musician, my passion is in music... the music of instruments, and the music that can flow in words that seek to find the deeper soul in expression... and share outward to others who hear the same Universal Song...

So Blogging is about the creative side for me... and the lack of blogging indicates that "the real world" has consumed too much of my time lately!

Periodically, it is my deep joy to go to my store of writings (over 30 years worth now exist in my computer banks) and let my heart guide me to a file that I feel I want to send out on my email circuit of folks in my life... to share something with them to perhaps help their days go better. I am always amazed at the responses that come back to me... from different folks at different times. As I know that there is an "Internal Guide" that directs me to a particular thing to share from time to time, I trust that there is a reason to follow that intuition and not ask why this particular thing or that should be shared on this particular day...

My faith almost always is rewarded in the feedback. And that is the heart of why I love to write.

I love to try and capture the deeper soul stuff we all feel when we can quiet the brain and daily activity long enough to hear it. I have spent long evenings with music and pen and pad, capturing the whisperings of Spirit as I hear it to the page. Often it comes to little more than venting, or ego lessons for me... but as often, I hear a song that when captured touches many hearts in many ways. I love this gift... and miss it when I am working so hard to make ends meet.

I have read authors who have said that they were surprised how some of their work was perceived and received. Some of the things that they wrote that were not that "special" to them personally really took off in the readership world! I experienced that the other day when I got up early and felt I had to send something off that day, and I surprised myself by going to a file that had nothing more in it but some exercises I had been putting down... mini thoughts... which isn't my usual way of writing... these were just images I was trying to put together, because my wife is an artist, and we have collaborated on a few things where she has drawn to some of my writings, and I wanted to give her some ideas to work with...

For me, it was like playing "Hallmark" writer for a day!

Anyway, the response was wonderful, and a little overwhelming for this exercise. I went to a meeting with some clients later that day, and found my email had been printed out and put up on a filing cabinet in the office! Later, when I checked my email, several of my folks had responded that this was just what they had needed that day to start the day off... and then later, my mom sent me a mailing from one of her friends that was asking permission to post some of those writings on her website.

All these things are an honor for me to hear, and feel, and share. It is why I began writing back in the early 1970's and why I continue to put effort into the process when in my world it has brought very little bread to the table!

One of my dear friends asked me to post these little gems onto my blog... I guess it's as good excuse as any to come back to the blog site after so long!

Some Images

May your journey find
peaceful moments,
as streams under mountaintops flow
through trees of
majestic silence
in the forests of your soul.

****************

Stand soft as trees in
afternoon light.
Listen to life’s echoes
from mountain tops,
and love’s joys
as waters of life
pass the roots of your being.
See hope embrace the Heart
of all that is you.

****************

Born as snow in
God’s Mountain heights,
we flow quickly now,
now slow,
Life to share,
in the moments of our wanderings
as we flow past the moments of our being,
as we partake of the beauties
of the varieties of all that lives around us.

****************

Streams still flow,
trees still sing in mountain breeze.
That we see them not today in
the outer rush of our busy-ness,
does not diminish the hope
of their soft joys
in the inner visions of our dreams.

****************




Patience lies hard
in winter ice...
beautiful, but cold,
awaiting only the kiss
of the sun of spring
to allow her moments to flow
softly once more.
Patience... leading to life
in abundance come spring.

****************

Though I feel barren this moment,
may I remember the hope of spring
that will free the ice
that holds me still now...
that holds the waters of life
that will feed me
in the days to come
when my heart will be renewed.

****************

Bruce K Bushman 2001

I was wondering...

A Fairy Tale?

It is not the fear of dying
that scares me so much
now…

as the fear of not living.

It is the fear of giving less
than I have to offer,
and receiving less,
than I have in store.

It is more distressing to me
to see moments slip by
that I could have lived
more fully and aware.

It is missing the opportunity to care
for any that may come my way,
and missing,
perhaps,
my chance to give the gifts I have brought
from the holy worlds
into this place.

Chase the fears away,
sweet inner soul dreamer…
weaver of the magic that makes life
more than reality!

Clear the cobwebs in my throat
that I may sing again
as the little child who had no fear,
for all things were dear and new then…

Sing my heart,
to friends and soulmates,
in all their manifestations and robes!

Look into the eyes of all and send hope!
It is enough to know that I am not alone in such…
In daring to hope…
In daring to dream…

In daring to believe that all the world is due
for happy times to come.

BKBushman 2/02/2007

If I were to address the heads of state and industry in these momentous times...

AS IF THE TRUMPET WAS HEARD

Good Morning, Little One!

It is time to awaken
from this sleep
you call
mortality!

Do not cry
for the dreams of
your sleep,
for they always are a part of you!

But awaken,
refreshed,
and eager that
a new and Glorious Day
is here!
And you are a part of it!

It is time to awaken
to the hopes
you came into the planet with…

You know!

That little dream you hide from the world,
and more frustratingly,
from yourself
so that you can fit in!

Do you remember?
Think small!
Think innocent!
You still are, you know!
(Whether you believe it or no!)

It is time to wake up
to you!
It is time to stop living
other men’s hopes, dreams, frustrations,
and ambitions!

It is time to define
your own hopes, dreams, frustrations
and ambitions!
(And think about Joys)

(If you haven’t been about these things already!)

Wake up,
sweet, darling, precious
little one
for a grand day awaits you!

It is not a tomorrow thing.
It perhaps wasn’t found yesterday…
but that has been
The Illusion!

If you were told the Trumpet of Gabriel
has sounded,
what would take place in your heart?

Ah, but the Trumpet has already sounded!

Perhaps you didn’t hear it
because your ears and mind were full
with other men’s perceptions
of what
your reality should be!

Perhaps you fear that this
momentous tune
is about endings.

Dear little one!
It was never about endings!
It was never about beginnings!
That is a game
you chose to play
with all your friends!

There is really only
NOW.

So wake up to it,
grasp it,
and enjoy it.

Touch it’s flavor,
taste it’s nearness,
see you in it,
hear your own song

and dance your own tune!

You are loved little one!
More than you even know!

Love yourself,
the rest is easy,
once that great task has been accomplished!

In your dream
of mortality,
you just chose
to play the game backwards!

Today is here!
You are here!

Live it.
Love it!

Be it!

Sat Nam…
Namaste…
Adonai…
Espavo…

Joy!

BKBushman 1-16-2008

ONE FOR MY SUNSHINE... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

In 1975 I joined the Army as a Band Musician. It was a good time to serve the country... Nixon had just pulled the troops out of Viet Nam, and the draft had ended the year before my high school graduation.

Military people weren't hero's then like they are supposed to be now, but that is a highly charged issue these days, and I'm not into political correctness or stirring controversy, and this post isn't about that anyway, but a salute to a dear friend who helped me in one of my darkest hours and maybe understands a little because we are email buds, but I want to honor her with a small tribute, because she needs to know that she has touched my life in ways deeper than I can thank her for... and I know that when life slows down for her a bit, she will check into this blog!

Dear Sunshine! Do you remember the poem you sent me from "Charlie's Monument" entitled "The Gift?" Do you know what you started with that simple sharing?

Periodically now, as I continue to write, and hone my gift for poems and lyrics, and express my soul, (mostly into my own computer banks), and lately as I begin to share those things out into my email world; I think of that book, and that poem. You sent it to me when you found out I had gotten into the drug world, and you sent me that which most deeply touches my heart! You sent me a simple poem. I hung that poem up on my barracks wall for the duration, and I made that poem my first real mantra.

I was thinking about my own little mountain that I guard, and the stones I go down and pick up to build that monument... each song I bring into my computer from my muses... as I go in to my files these days those individual writings from time to time over the last 30 years or so have become a very big gift that I hope to return to my Deep Friend and Advocate when I am released from this planetary assignment! They are my gifts to God, and the Godness, and goodness within each of us!

The words started out as my own form of healing. They are beginning to go into the world to help others now. Each day is more and more precious to me... I have been blessed with so many loved ones around me in my personal and my business life!

Little sister, there are no words that can give you the love in my heart for that gift you shared with me so long ago! I would like to post one of my earliest songs with this blog in your honor... you were the first to get one of my gifts! Consider this one of my earliest stones in my monument... a foundational piece that you inspired when we were silly and young!

Thank you my sister in Spirit!

A SONG FOR JOEY
1975

Wake up, m’lady, the sunshine's on the land.
Wake up, m’lady, take the morning by the hand.
You gotta wake up, m’lady, with the dawn light in your eyes.
Wake up, m’lady, and help the morning find the skies.

Shake the dreams of your nighttime, woman.
A new day is dawning and the world's in a bind.
Bless the day with your sweet smile, and woman,
there just ain’t no tellin all the joy we can find...
and hello sunshine,

Ya know I’m doin fine.

Wake up, m’lady, shake the twilight from your hair.
Wake up, m’lady, you gotta show the world you care.
And when you wake up, m’lady, you’ll feel the summer as it hits the skies.
So wake up, m’lady, the morning’s waiting for the light of your eyes.

Shake the dreams of your nighttime, woman.
A new day is dawning and the world’s in a tear.
Bless the day with your sweet smile, and woman,
I think we’re gonna find that there are people who care...
and hello sunshine.

I’m gonna feel all right,
I’m gonna make up my mind,
ya know I’m doin fine.
You’ve made me feel all right,
you’ve helped me make up my mind,
ya know I’m doin fine.

Shake the dreams of your nighttime, woman,
A new day is dawning, and the world's in a bind.
Bless the day with your sweet smile, and woman,
there just ain’t no tellin all the joy we can find.

And hello sunshine,
Ya know I’m doin fine.

The Latest Pebble found in the sky...

INNER BEAUTY

It seems that oft as darkness calls,
Beauty falls.
And light within begins to fade.

Played out on the stage of living
More often than not
Are the follies of depression and despair.

How many really care that this tragedy
Should be the final curtain?

Certainly Love is hard to express
On such a stage.
Outrage is an easier game…
Easier to blame than to believe.

Perceive, for one moment
That your inner beauty, though deeply scarred,
Is still your greatest gift.

Lift another.
Lift yourself.
The final curtain call is always about
The triumph over the tragedies.
Begin to believe in yourselves
For a grand chorus sings around you.

Quiet your heart,
And you will hear!
Life is meant for Joy’s expression…
And all of us are capable of sharing that.

If we so choose.

Believe in yourself.
The Holy Ones do.

Bkbushman 9-16-2008

PEBBLES ALONG THE WAY...

Note to Myself

Joy
(Nirvana, Heaven, Insert favorite vision here…)
is not an estate
that will be handed to me
in some nebulous future.

It is a creation of
my own hands,
constructed by the stones of
my mindthought,
and held together
by the mortar of
the passions
of my heart’s
emotions.

With each breath
I architect the estate
that I surround my soul with.

And as the architect,
if I find myself in a house
I abhor,
I have the right
to tear down the stones
that don’t harmonize,
and chip away
at the mortar of frustration and hopelessness.

And begin,
with wisdom and love,
to construct my estate anew.

Joy is not a future event.

It is with me in every time,
and in every moment
that I choose to recognize it.

Joy is the birthright
of the Children of Light.

I only need accept it now…

Bruce K Bushman 5/22/2006

Today's post is dedicated to those who have struggled with loud and hectic mind stuff... (which I am beginning to find is just about everyone...) this is a private conversation with the inner being within... a connection we all share. It is one of the prayers I expressed years ago as I began to find the road to inner peace was very accessible... and as I also began to recognize the sources of the chaos in my own path...

As a Little Child

I think deep on the night, when you took my flight
away from me.
I couldn’t see too well then,
when
I screamed at the skies in anger…
away from me.
Away from all I wanted to be.

I heard not your voice
through the winds of my anger and pain.
Yet you stood next to me,
silently,
and open to my hurts.

I felt you then,
when my crying ceased
and you released your tremendous Love
into my silent mind.

And time stood still.

And then later,
the awful pain of
a drug filled mind
and a solitary fate…
How I found so much hate to grasp,
I don’t remember now.

Time’s healing path brought me
out of the darkness of
childhood days,
and soon I saw
my wings would not stay clipped forever.

I feel you now
when I remember then.

And I don’t quite remember when
the bitterness left this being,
but you silently listened,
and never left me
in the agony of my despair.
You were always there.

And as I began growing a little more
into your light,
I found delight in the moments
of your quiet laughter
in my heart.
You became more a part of me
than I can even imagine.

You took my small hand in yours,
and gave me a purpose for being…
for seeing beyond the years of my infancy,
into an eternity
that I’ve only now begun to comprehend.

You sent me children of my own
to watch and to care for,
and to learn from…
Learn what it means to feel their anger
when I have to clip their wings
so they don’t fly too far,
too fast,
into skies that they aren’t ready for yet.

You complete the circle within me,
and I see the reasons
for your trials
of my faith.

It is the child in me growing,
knowing you to be there,
feeling you reaching for me after each and every fall.
I call on you,
and you are there,
helping this little one grow.

BKBushman 4/3/2006

One of My Most Favorite Writings...

I wrote this at a difficult time in my journey. It brought me comfort, and focus. It has the energy's I oft strive for... recognition of the chaos... images of others on the journey with me and the gifts each bring... and the giving of thanks... the 'grace' that brings peace in the darkest of times...

Sitting Out a Storm
February 5, 1997
12:50 AM

The cutting edge of the cliff
rides to the ridge and above
to a storm filled sky...
A hawk tries the wind
in a futile search for food

and I cover my head and shiver in anticipation
of another cold and bitter night
in this canyon of my Journey.

To the west, the lightning show begins again,
as it did last night, and the night before...
and I can’t ignore the fear I feel
having walked alone and uncovered for so long.

The hawk is still trying the sky...
he sat on the butte for nearly an hour watching and feeling
the world he and I currently share.
I wonder if he cares for these storms anymore than I do.

Yet, inside of me is a dream...
and fear fades to wonder as I watch the power and glory
of the blackened sky as the blue powered bolts
of Heaven’s Fury play out their symphony on
the background of the cliffs before me.

I see inside of me my own furies at times,
yet, like the storm...
I know they will ride their angry song away
and day will break as blue and calm
as she has for time beyond time in this canyon that I walk in tonight.

I realize this storm is right for this land’s needs,
for her waters feed the soil, and the barren earth
brings forth the blade, that calls to the
hare...
And the Hawk and I care that this should occur in this way.

I don’t know how the Hawk will pray for the meal he’ll find
when the Storm rides out of the valley...
But I know my heart knows a way to say thanks to this maelstrom
that interrupted our evening this day.

Transition - Some Ramblings

It has been a summer of transition all around me, and in all the lives I have been involved in. It has been a scary time for many, a hopeful time for some, a hopeless time for others...
and it has been hard on some level for all of us. And true to mortal character, we have all responded in different ways...

As I was thinking about blogging this weekend, I have had this uppermost in my mind and experiences, and I have had many talks with many people this weekend on this topic.

So I turned to one of my favorite rock and roll groups, RUSH, and wanted to put the lyrics of two of my favorite songs around one of my writings that came to the forefront when I thought about what to post this weekend. So round and round those two songs have been going on my I-tunes as I worked the lyrics into my blog. (I wonder if it is making my wife crazy!) I posted and reposted and worked out bugs in getting that right, and tweaking my own writing... and then it occured to me that I might be violating their copyrights on their songs, even though my intent was to share what they have already shared... but then I would also be violating an even deeper principle I have learned in this life... I just hadn't asked for their permission.

So I deleted their lyrics around my own writing, and it will have to stand then by itself for the reader... without the sounds that surrounded me as I wrote and posted it. I have been writing for over 30 years with the intent of someday having an audience that could be moved as deeply as I have been moved and taught going through the writing process. Always there is music around the experience. I wish I could put the reader in the place of the writer when many of these things come. It is an experience I would share with the whole world if I knew how. As it stands, I must be content that the reader will hopefully come away with something from my writing effort that will touch their hearts and perhaps their souls... but their own music will have to surround the words... whether that be silence, or otherwise.

And you know... that's okay! Their music will have the most impact anyway!

Music is a huge source of power, energy, motivation, and enlightenment for me. It comes into play on so many levels of my multi-level being and I almost always have some desire to have some around me.

Yesterday, on a client's dance studio floor, in the quiet of an early morning, I danced to silence. There was no one around to witness... no one to see the movement of body and muscle and sinew in this older but still very limber body as I "danced" and let go of my inner tensions and stress on that studio floor where my client's energies and lives and loves have touched so many people, including me. Many dances have happened on that studio floor. As it turns out, I just realized mine was the last. One of their friends came in and ripped up the floor an hour or so later. They are in major transformation now... a chapter has ended... a long and very influencial chapter.

My client taught me how to dance in spirit on that floor some years ago. She taught me how to let go of the ego of the mortal and touch the inner child of the immortal within me. In teaching me to dance in spirit, she was yet another teacher who taught me how to fly. She also taught hundreds of children over 40 years to do the same.

Her husband, one of my deepest friends lately, has been one of the few men that understands the joys of classical music, and spiritual experiences in everyday life that move me so much. One of the few men that I could share experiences with that you don't just put out there for everyday gossip, especially among men.

She is a dancer... he wears so many hats I don't know where to begin... they have teamed to love and give to many children and their children's children over the years all the gifts they came to earth with. And I have been honored to be touched by them in my capacity initially as an accountant... but ultimately as a soul friend. They have also played a major role in the last couple of years in the transitions of my family. In the capacity of real estate agent, he got us into our home now.

In the capacity of friends, they keep me on my toes! Thank you, my deep friends!

And music is what we share the best. Music... the universal language we all speak at some level, that moves all our hearts and minds and souls...

I wish I could put the music around the words that come when I write because that is part of the magic that makes the words work. Mostly, in this world of transition... I hope I can put the energy of love behind the words behind the music of my life that has helped me in my transitions, because I am not alone in what I've gone through... I have a world of brothers and sisters around me going through so many similar games! My mom shared words with me this morning that I want to pass on...

As you now have enough life experience behind you--being past a half century and all--you have come to a place in life where you can see how you always come out on top. That's a strange thing about life, how we always seem to get through the difficult times--wiser, stronger, and better for it all.

I love the hope and the faith in that! We will be okay.

Isn't it great we came into life with moms!

And isn't it great we have each other when the going gets really going!

By the way, I just had a talk not only with my wife, but with my daughter who lives downstairs! The music definately was making them crazy!

For A World in Transition

There is Always Hope

A world plagued with death and dying...
war and hate and
the futile moments
that come and go
on a planet of turmoil...

There is always hope.

Life lived under intense stress.
No time for anything that matters
in the long run.
Work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep

and chase the chase that never brought
real meaning to the inner being.

There is always hope.
There is always purpose.
For everything there is a reason.

Find a moment of Joy in the routine.
Find a purpose for the place you are in.
Let Love guide.
Seek the reason for the routine...

Ask your inner soul to show you the faith
that all is well.
It will be.

Time is not forever.
Forever is forever.
It is not time.

Time is the classroom.
Forever is the Living
of the lessons learned.

You are eternal.
You will grow.
You will succeed.

All it takes is love,
and faith in yourself

(and the myriad beings around you,

both seen and unseen.)

There is always Hope.

BKBushman 11/20/2003

A Garden of Weeds

Flying back from another blog site called "Gilian's Gardens", I was impressed to post the following writing from some years ago... If you find yourself on my flight path, Gilian, this one's for you...


A Garden of Weeds

Joyous walk, soft talk,
musical talk, spiritual walk...

A journey of no few steps,
yet a journey that seems too quickly traveled
in retrospect.

I neglect to give thanks to the path
so often,
and pass the joys
along my way as if
they were weeds to be shunned.

I’ve been noticing weeds a little bit,
lately.

So many have small flowers of color
that add dimension to my walks.
(and joy!)

I have recently learned that weeds
are the hardy plant that begins
the growth process for other life forms to come.

I look at the weeds in the garden of my life now
in a new perspective,
and give thanks that they
have given me strengths
that until recently,

I was blind to.

Bruce K Bushman 8/1/01

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

I place my jammies on my bod,
and kneel for evening prayer,
then quickly jump into my bed
to meet the sandman there.

I snuggle quickly in the sheets
the pillow gets a fluff,
and soon I drift in silent mode
to deal with vision stuff.

T’is there I meet with dog and cat
who chase me down the street,
but nowhere do I go with speed,
for something drags my feet.

Now quickly doth the vision change
at church, at speaking, I
now find myself delivering speech
in jockey shorts and tie.

Yet no one finds this strange or weird
and quickly am I now
in wonderment at how I came
to be in love with cow.

Then at alert, with open eyes
I thought that I had fell,
from off a cliff, or off the bed
My heart beats fast as well.

Yet snoring comes so quick again
and flying off I go
to rescue dear fair maiden sweet
whose face is white as snow…

Her ruby lips I softly kiss
and whisper sweet her name,
then wide awake I come with hurt,
My wife’s not named the same…

With aches and groans I fall asleep,
to horrors yet to be,
I light my self a cigarette
not one, nor two, but three

Now visions speed and visions twist
where nothing quite remains…
the imps who write my nightly scores
are playing with my brains.

Hark, now some lovely beauty comes
to dance a tease… I sigh…
yet when her dance is finished,
she is just another guy.

Then monster comes into my view
with drooling in it’s jaw,
Yet fear is nil, I see that he
is just my mom in law.

I only hope to wake real soon
I pinch myself with pain,
and glory be, I find that I
am late for work again.

(I can’t wait until tomorrow night…)

BKBushman 3-9-2006

It appears I may have a fan!

My mother called today. I hadn't answered her emails for about a week. I hadn't seen she had called twice yesterday, as I had put my phone on the charger for the weekend, and hid it in my office so as not to hear it.

I explained that I hadn't looked at the computer all weekend either, because I get too much of it during the week and I was sick to death of looking at computer screens, so I had pulled my pillows around me on the couch, had heated up the remote controls, and had spent the weekend vegatating as men love to do.

She said that she had noticed I also hadn't changed my blog in a while!

So I am excited now! I have a fan on my blog site! (Thanks mom!)

My parents sometimes wonder about me when they don't see me visibly in the electronic world...either with emails or calls. In our world it is getting increasingly harder to hide as we are always under the eye of "Big Brother" in one way or another. I once read that nowadays with all the camera surveilance in stores and elsewhere we can usually be seen on somebodies electronics at least a couple times of day! Gone are the days when you could get away from mom and pop without them worrying about you, or knowing what you were up to!

Maybe this is a good thing! Mom got a hold of me today, after a week of stress, and found out I was okay... just being a bum (which is not a thing you always want to admit to your parents, but being a parent myself, I guess I'm never surprised to find out my own kids are being lazy!)

Anyway, since at least one other person besides me is now checking into my site, I guess it is time to update it again! It is a fun thing to do, when you still have the energy to have fun on the computer... after a week of working accounting or letters, it isn't always so much fun to still be on the computer anymore! Too much of a good thing, is still too much!

Fortunately for me, I have about 30 years of my writings already polished up and ready for the blog screen, and so I will come back and post one of my writings from my selections. It is what drew me to being able to blog in the first place!

So, mom, my fan... enjoy! I'm sorry now that I already sent you copies of these as I was writing them. I guess I'll still have to come on and be original anyway, huh! Ah, such is life...

Fortunately, I'm now sick of sitting in front of the tv...

(Moderation in all things is something I eventually work out by overdoing everything, and then ignoring those same things for months to come!!!!)

21st Century Man

I'm kidded a lot around here lately because I have this thing for watching "Home Improvement" all the time. As we buy DVD seasons, I am free of commercial interruption (and corruption) but the flip side is that I can run a whole lot of episodes back to back and it grates on the wife's nerves after awhile! I get a lot of kidding for watching Tim and Al all the time. But there is a purpose behind my almost addictive need to view...

What is not confessed on my part around here is that I'm secretly trying to find and get in touch with my male side again. I grew up not only in the racial confusions and tensions of the sixties, but also in the feminine movement that has so changed and confused the old concept of the macho male being. I have two mothers... and both are very liberated... were more so during the time I was a young man growing up. They weren't much defined by the mother/housekeeper type near as much as other women of their day were in this valley at the time...

As a result I think I feel that many of the men of my generation were sent out into the world with many mixed signals and new concepts of what our role in the world was. They say it used to be so simple! The guy went out to work in the morning, the gal stayed home and made sure it all worked there. If the car broke down, it was the guy expected to crawl under the hood, if the child acted up, it was mom that did the actual frontline war duties... dad was merely the threat that would close the deal at the end of the day... Then along came "Mr. Mom" and "Private Benjamin" and the whole world was turning upside down!

Now I had good male examples growing up, don't get me wrong! My dad could fix anything, and it was rare that he didn't have a power tool or a wrench close to his person at most times! My first experience with a skill saw, however, left my dad in great fear for his life! I cut through the cord... I was done! I never liked working on cars... either it was too cold or too hot, or then all that grease and dirt and all... and no two boards would line up for me for anything to save my neck in shop...

So I turned to writing, and music, and then accounting, and went for the office work that would keep tools and other such dangers out of these hands that weren’t built for the tool box! As a result, I have tender and sensitive hands, as well as a tender and sensitive heart. I don't like macho male war movies and you can keep your sports and extreme recreational shows, but I love to sit through a "feel good" marathon and to have a box of tissues handy for a chic flick! This is extremely embarrassing for me to admit, so watching Al, who is the guy on "Home Improvement" who has the real working skills but also has an ability to be a sensitive man, is a relief to me! Knowing that men exist like Tim who are extremely macho grunting oriented, but totally inept with tools is also very helpful to my confused male ego!

To keep tabs on what should be a clearly defined male persona, I have kept a beard for some time now. The ladies around my house love this, so it isn't a point of contention for me as some of my other male counterpoints have run into in their homes. It helps me keep my manly focus on those days when I'd rather be with the girls at the office gossiping over next week's American Idol hero, and which shade of lipstick would accentuate my skin tones, and what earrings would look better with my light blue chiffon ensemble.

Come to think of it, however, a lot of guys are showing up at the plant with just such problems... how to keep earrings out of the machinery and highlights on the cheekbones on hot sweaty days... my daughter told me tonight that some are out there now worried about eyeliner getting in the eyes when they get sweaty driving in the sun...

Tim and Al, help me! I'm getting so confused!

Letting Go of Stress

We embrace her energies
like jealous lovers,
this being called stress.

We address our lives
to her whims
in most of the moments
of our wakefulness.
We cling to her,
embrace her,
and hate ourselves for
her pitiful use of our energies and desires.

We claim stress from without,
in the dilemmas’ of our days
and take her to bed
to stir the nightmares of our dreams.

In reciprocation, our world rocks
with the stress
of our combined unbalanced energies.

Our pleas go to the heavens
for relief,
yet in our chatter
their answers go unheeded.

What is needed
to overcome this beast we walk with every day?

Simply learn to pray,

without words.

Start there to shut off the chatter
of your stress filled minds.
Find the time
in a simple moment
to let go
of everything that you cling to.

Relax.

Breath slowly.

Embrace a simple thought of Love Energy
and focus her light
around the inner vision
of your own soul.
Embrace the being that is you!

Think of nothing else.

Experiment with this tool
for one minute today.
Tomorrow give it two minutes.

With time you will find that
simply giving a moment of your day
to find and love yourself
will transmute the energies
of chaos
into a web of understanding
and balance.

Let go of everything in this moment…
in this now.

Then accept back
only those things
that you really can do something about today.
Let all else go away for now.

Live in the moment.
Live in the moment with a simple love
for the moment.

Life was created to be
a joyous event.
The sky and the stars,
the flora and fauna
all understand this balance.

They do not whisper
chaotic prayers
to the cosmos
and cling to energies
that do not belong to them.

For a moment,
stand softly as a tree in a summer breeze
and listen to the prayers
of a tree’s mind.

What you find
is going to surprise you!

BKBushman 12/02/2006

I Worry, Therefore, I Am

I Worry, Therefore, I Am

Hello new and beautiful day
(What if it rains later, should I take my umbrella?)
I walk your way in joy and peace,
(What if I walk into a puddle and catch cold?)
and cease my inner struggle
(I left something on the stove, I just know it)
towards the perfect me I think I’m supposed to be.
(What if they notice I cut myself shaving this morning?)

Write your story in my heart,
(I forgot to write my kid an excuse note again)
and may I start to hear the clearness
(What if his teacher thinks I’m the biggest flake)
of your simple ways.

Cleanse my days from
(What if she doesn’t show for lunch?)
the distractions I lose myself in.
(What if I leave my keys in the car again)
I begin to find the softness
(What if he didn’t let the dog out again)
in my inner being.

Now I will be seeing the moments of
(What if I misplaced the utility bills and they aren’t really paid?)
Inner peace
(What if that stupid man really does declare war)
now that I know them to be.

Help me see with clear eyes the youth that once I knew..
(What if I can’t reverse this baldness)
My true nature was more alive then.
(What if I die without my pants on…)

BKBushman 3/30/2006

The Night Life

I will begin by saying this essay was inspired by a fellow blogger who wrote about being sleepless, struggling with insomnia. I am up a few hours later reading her blog, and she got me thinking... out loud!

When I was young, I was a night person. My children are today. But I wasn't a night person to party... being a writer most of my life, the night was when the muses were out, and with the help of music, I was able to touch the infinite possiblities... to fly beyond the boundaries of our gravitational pull, and touch the sky. I was able to climb out of the whirling chaos of daily thinking, and worrying, and was able to let go of the beast that tries to suck our spiritual and emotional energies out of us... stress.

So I have a special affinity for the night time. I once read that the hours between 3 and 5 am are almost "magical" and I have had the opportunity to put that to the test many times. I still love the peace of the early morning. And when I do enter those magical hours in my concious state, I still feel the magic!

But I have had to learn to balance that with my daily needs of having to take care of job and family, and I have not always been successful. Lately I sleep pretty well, but I have always gotten up two or three times in the night (my thanks go out to the soda pop creators of the world and my deep passion for bubbly liquids!)

My blog friend talked about the difficulties of falling asleep that she has. How I can relate to that as well. Somedays you just wish you could flip a switch, and the brain noise would instantly shut off. I've got another very special friend that doesn't sleep most nights as well. Business troubles consume his mind most nights. I can relate there! I am self employed, and many are the nights devoted to how to catch that elusive dollar bill! If only I could figure an honest way to bill all the time I have worked on client's issues during the sleepless hours! (I understand lawyers have figured it out...)

I would suggest to my sleepless blog friend the wonders of drugs and alcohol, but she has been much smarter in her life and has avoided those pitfalls! She'll never know the joy of waking up beside the toilet and not remembering how you got there!

So do I have an answer for her? I know what has worked for me, but we each walk life a little differently, and I don't know if my remedies would be of much value! But some years ago, I began simple meditation. I'm not talking about the Hollywood version of meditation... lots of chants and candles and sitting weird and mumbling. I'm talking about simply focusing on stilling the muscles of the body first, and "letting go" of thoughts. Like anything, it takes practice. When we are used to letting the mind go hither and yon around our brain pans, it takes a great deal of patience to open some kind of window in the head and let the thoughts go out of that instead of bouncing around in the space between our ears!

I have always been a very abstract thinker, and am very good at visualization. These are tools I can use to help me "let go" of the daily grind. My favorite vision with letting go of thoughts is to see them as clouds drifting away... being a sky person, this is the easiest visualization for me! I have written many peices about "inner peace." Most of us are so caught up in this life that we don't even know how to begin the search. My first steps toward success was to "let go" of the media. Talk about shoving stress down our throats! But I also have had to learn to "let go" of those things that most consume my thinking... at least for a little while. To realize that everything we think today is absolutely important and has to get done will be meaningless a year from now helps me gain perspective, and helps me cling less to todays thoughts... at least in the moment. And it is the moment that is all we are ever given to live in, if you think about it!

My friend talked about living the past and the future and today all at once, and all the time! That's a lot of thoughts to be cycling through in any given moment, and I'm sure all of us relate to how that works! Computer speeds are nothing compared to the speed of this marvelous brain we each have! We can worry over a lot of stuff in a matter of moments somedays! The trick that has worked for me is to realize I can shut off all noise... for one second. With a little practice, I can then shut off the noise for 2 seconds.

And once you get a feel for "hearing silence..." a whole new world opens up...

More on that later!

Family

"You can choose your friends, but not your family"

... the saying goes. Well, I couldn't have chosen better if I tried! That goes for the wonderful girl I have now spent 29 years with, and the three kids that have come into our circle! Our baby is about to turn 20, and the years have flown! I am honored to be in their lives, and they tolerate me the best they can!

(It's a good thing our girls love beards! Us guys are afraid of razors!)

A Thought of Love to my fellow earth travelers…


Transcending time and space,
I found my place
(in one moment)
as eternal soul.

Never ending…
never beginning,
winning sometimes,
and other times losing,
but always on a journey…

The Journey that Soul walks.

In despair I found myself
in depths of pain I did not want
(but had called myself to…)

and through never ending agony
I finally realized
that pain ends
when I shift my heart and thought
to other ways.

Now days of Joy have come my way.
It is hard to say why, sometimes,
to the mortal being
I typically try to cling to…
My rational brain doesn’t grasp

that I am the miracle,
that I am the creator,
that as a person thinks,
so we become.

So I thought of love,
no, of Love…
and watched my world change around me
even as I had fallen,
I had drawn myself to healing,

and searching to thank the angels…
I suddenly saw them
in the eyes of those around me.
In the living, walking souls
that I share life with day to day.

In small ways they
echo the thoughts
that I dwell upon…
unfailingly
they reflect to me

the energy of my own love or hate.

In despair of thought
I brought despair around me…

In joy of life,
I brought life’s Joys to me.

Thank you for being,
each of you,
a reflection of the Joys of my heart
and the miracles of my growing.

BKBushman 4-20-2007

Initiation

Oh my gosh... a blog.

How does one approach such a thing? I have been writing for over thirty years, and I find myself entering a universe unimagined in all my sci-fi dreams! I can put myself out there... finally!

And have no one to edit me? Oh my gosh...

Well... here goes...