One of My Most Favorite Writings...

I wrote this at a difficult time in my journey. It brought me comfort, and focus. It has the energy's I oft strive for... recognition of the chaos... images of others on the journey with me and the gifts each bring... and the giving of thanks... the 'grace' that brings peace in the darkest of times...

Sitting Out a Storm
February 5, 1997
12:50 AM

The cutting edge of the cliff
rides to the ridge and above
to a storm filled sky...
A hawk tries the wind
in a futile search for food

and I cover my head and shiver in anticipation
of another cold and bitter night
in this canyon of my Journey.

To the west, the lightning show begins again,
as it did last night, and the night before...
and I can’t ignore the fear I feel
having walked alone and uncovered for so long.

The hawk is still trying the sky...
he sat on the butte for nearly an hour watching and feeling
the world he and I currently share.
I wonder if he cares for these storms anymore than I do.

Yet, inside of me is a dream...
and fear fades to wonder as I watch the power and glory
of the blackened sky as the blue powered bolts
of Heaven’s Fury play out their symphony on
the background of the cliffs before me.

I see inside of me my own furies at times,
yet, like the storm...
I know they will ride their angry song away
and day will break as blue and calm
as she has for time beyond time in this canyon that I walk in tonight.

I realize this storm is right for this land’s needs,
for her waters feed the soil, and the barren earth
brings forth the blade, that calls to the
hare...
And the Hawk and I care that this should occur in this way.

I don’t know how the Hawk will pray for the meal he’ll find
when the Storm rides out of the valley...
But I know my heart knows a way to say thanks to this maelstrom
that interrupted our evening this day.

Transition - Some Ramblings

It has been a summer of transition all around me, and in all the lives I have been involved in. It has been a scary time for many, a hopeful time for some, a hopeless time for others...
and it has been hard on some level for all of us. And true to mortal character, we have all responded in different ways...

As I was thinking about blogging this weekend, I have had this uppermost in my mind and experiences, and I have had many talks with many people this weekend on this topic.

So I turned to one of my favorite rock and roll groups, RUSH, and wanted to put the lyrics of two of my favorite songs around one of my writings that came to the forefront when I thought about what to post this weekend. So round and round those two songs have been going on my I-tunes as I worked the lyrics into my blog. (I wonder if it is making my wife crazy!) I posted and reposted and worked out bugs in getting that right, and tweaking my own writing... and then it occured to me that I might be violating their copyrights on their songs, even though my intent was to share what they have already shared... but then I would also be violating an even deeper principle I have learned in this life... I just hadn't asked for their permission.

So I deleted their lyrics around my own writing, and it will have to stand then by itself for the reader... without the sounds that surrounded me as I wrote and posted it. I have been writing for over 30 years with the intent of someday having an audience that could be moved as deeply as I have been moved and taught going through the writing process. Always there is music around the experience. I wish I could put the reader in the place of the writer when many of these things come. It is an experience I would share with the whole world if I knew how. As it stands, I must be content that the reader will hopefully come away with something from my writing effort that will touch their hearts and perhaps their souls... but their own music will have to surround the words... whether that be silence, or otherwise.

And you know... that's okay! Their music will have the most impact anyway!

Music is a huge source of power, energy, motivation, and enlightenment for me. It comes into play on so many levels of my multi-level being and I almost always have some desire to have some around me.

Yesterday, on a client's dance studio floor, in the quiet of an early morning, I danced to silence. There was no one around to witness... no one to see the movement of body and muscle and sinew in this older but still very limber body as I "danced" and let go of my inner tensions and stress on that studio floor where my client's energies and lives and loves have touched so many people, including me. Many dances have happened on that studio floor. As it turns out, I just realized mine was the last. One of their friends came in and ripped up the floor an hour or so later. They are in major transformation now... a chapter has ended... a long and very influencial chapter.

My client taught me how to dance in spirit on that floor some years ago. She taught me how to let go of the ego of the mortal and touch the inner child of the immortal within me. In teaching me to dance in spirit, she was yet another teacher who taught me how to fly. She also taught hundreds of children over 40 years to do the same.

Her husband, one of my deepest friends lately, has been one of the few men that understands the joys of classical music, and spiritual experiences in everyday life that move me so much. One of the few men that I could share experiences with that you don't just put out there for everyday gossip, especially among men.

She is a dancer... he wears so many hats I don't know where to begin... they have teamed to love and give to many children and their children's children over the years all the gifts they came to earth with. And I have been honored to be touched by them in my capacity initially as an accountant... but ultimately as a soul friend. They have also played a major role in the last couple of years in the transitions of my family. In the capacity of real estate agent, he got us into our home now.

In the capacity of friends, they keep me on my toes! Thank you, my deep friends!

And music is what we share the best. Music... the universal language we all speak at some level, that moves all our hearts and minds and souls...

I wish I could put the music around the words that come when I write because that is part of the magic that makes the words work. Mostly, in this world of transition... I hope I can put the energy of love behind the words behind the music of my life that has helped me in my transitions, because I am not alone in what I've gone through... I have a world of brothers and sisters around me going through so many similar games! My mom shared words with me this morning that I want to pass on...

As you now have enough life experience behind you--being past a half century and all--you have come to a place in life where you can see how you always come out on top. That's a strange thing about life, how we always seem to get through the difficult times--wiser, stronger, and better for it all.

I love the hope and the faith in that! We will be okay.

Isn't it great we came into life with moms!

And isn't it great we have each other when the going gets really going!

By the way, I just had a talk not only with my wife, but with my daughter who lives downstairs! The music definately was making them crazy!

For A World in Transition

There is Always Hope

A world plagued with death and dying...
war and hate and
the futile moments
that come and go
on a planet of turmoil...

There is always hope.

Life lived under intense stress.
No time for anything that matters
in the long run.
Work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep

and chase the chase that never brought
real meaning to the inner being.

There is always hope.
There is always purpose.
For everything there is a reason.

Find a moment of Joy in the routine.
Find a purpose for the place you are in.
Let Love guide.
Seek the reason for the routine...

Ask your inner soul to show you the faith
that all is well.
It will be.

Time is not forever.
Forever is forever.
It is not time.

Time is the classroom.
Forever is the Living
of the lessons learned.

You are eternal.
You will grow.
You will succeed.

All it takes is love,
and faith in yourself

(and the myriad beings around you,

both seen and unseen.)

There is always Hope.

BKBushman 11/20/2003

A Garden of Weeds

Flying back from another blog site called "Gilian's Gardens", I was impressed to post the following writing from some years ago... If you find yourself on my flight path, Gilian, this one's for you...


A Garden of Weeds

Joyous walk, soft talk,
musical talk, spiritual walk...

A journey of no few steps,
yet a journey that seems too quickly traveled
in retrospect.

I neglect to give thanks to the path
so often,
and pass the joys
along my way as if
they were weeds to be shunned.

I’ve been noticing weeds a little bit,
lately.

So many have small flowers of color
that add dimension to my walks.
(and joy!)

I have recently learned that weeds
are the hardy plant that begins
the growth process for other life forms to come.

I look at the weeds in the garden of my life now
in a new perspective,
and give thanks that they
have given me strengths
that until recently,

I was blind to.

Bruce K Bushman 8/1/01

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

I place my jammies on my bod,
and kneel for evening prayer,
then quickly jump into my bed
to meet the sandman there.

I snuggle quickly in the sheets
the pillow gets a fluff,
and soon I drift in silent mode
to deal with vision stuff.

T’is there I meet with dog and cat
who chase me down the street,
but nowhere do I go with speed,
for something drags my feet.

Now quickly doth the vision change
at church, at speaking, I
now find myself delivering speech
in jockey shorts and tie.

Yet no one finds this strange or weird
and quickly am I now
in wonderment at how I came
to be in love with cow.

Then at alert, with open eyes
I thought that I had fell,
from off a cliff, or off the bed
My heart beats fast as well.

Yet snoring comes so quick again
and flying off I go
to rescue dear fair maiden sweet
whose face is white as snow…

Her ruby lips I softly kiss
and whisper sweet her name,
then wide awake I come with hurt,
My wife’s not named the same…

With aches and groans I fall asleep,
to horrors yet to be,
I light my self a cigarette
not one, nor two, but three

Now visions speed and visions twist
where nothing quite remains…
the imps who write my nightly scores
are playing with my brains.

Hark, now some lovely beauty comes
to dance a tease… I sigh…
yet when her dance is finished,
she is just another guy.

Then monster comes into my view
with drooling in it’s jaw,
Yet fear is nil, I see that he
is just my mom in law.

I only hope to wake real soon
I pinch myself with pain,
and glory be, I find that I
am late for work again.

(I can’t wait until tomorrow night…)

BKBushman 3-9-2006

It appears I may have a fan!

My mother called today. I hadn't answered her emails for about a week. I hadn't seen she had called twice yesterday, as I had put my phone on the charger for the weekend, and hid it in my office so as not to hear it.

I explained that I hadn't looked at the computer all weekend either, because I get too much of it during the week and I was sick to death of looking at computer screens, so I had pulled my pillows around me on the couch, had heated up the remote controls, and had spent the weekend vegatating as men love to do.

She said that she had noticed I also hadn't changed my blog in a while!

So I am excited now! I have a fan on my blog site! (Thanks mom!)

My parents sometimes wonder about me when they don't see me visibly in the electronic world...either with emails or calls. In our world it is getting increasingly harder to hide as we are always under the eye of "Big Brother" in one way or another. I once read that nowadays with all the camera surveilance in stores and elsewhere we can usually be seen on somebodies electronics at least a couple times of day! Gone are the days when you could get away from mom and pop without them worrying about you, or knowing what you were up to!

Maybe this is a good thing! Mom got a hold of me today, after a week of stress, and found out I was okay... just being a bum (which is not a thing you always want to admit to your parents, but being a parent myself, I guess I'm never surprised to find out my own kids are being lazy!)

Anyway, since at least one other person besides me is now checking into my site, I guess it is time to update it again! It is a fun thing to do, when you still have the energy to have fun on the computer... after a week of working accounting or letters, it isn't always so much fun to still be on the computer anymore! Too much of a good thing, is still too much!

Fortunately for me, I have about 30 years of my writings already polished up and ready for the blog screen, and so I will come back and post one of my writings from my selections. It is what drew me to being able to blog in the first place!

So, mom, my fan... enjoy! I'm sorry now that I already sent you copies of these as I was writing them. I guess I'll still have to come on and be original anyway, huh! Ah, such is life...

Fortunately, I'm now sick of sitting in front of the tv...

(Moderation in all things is something I eventually work out by overdoing everything, and then ignoring those same things for months to come!!!!)

21st Century Man

I'm kidded a lot around here lately because I have this thing for watching "Home Improvement" all the time. As we buy DVD seasons, I am free of commercial interruption (and corruption) but the flip side is that I can run a whole lot of episodes back to back and it grates on the wife's nerves after awhile! I get a lot of kidding for watching Tim and Al all the time. But there is a purpose behind my almost addictive need to view...

What is not confessed on my part around here is that I'm secretly trying to find and get in touch with my male side again. I grew up not only in the racial confusions and tensions of the sixties, but also in the feminine movement that has so changed and confused the old concept of the macho male being. I have two mothers... and both are very liberated... were more so during the time I was a young man growing up. They weren't much defined by the mother/housekeeper type near as much as other women of their day were in this valley at the time...

As a result I think I feel that many of the men of my generation were sent out into the world with many mixed signals and new concepts of what our role in the world was. They say it used to be so simple! The guy went out to work in the morning, the gal stayed home and made sure it all worked there. If the car broke down, it was the guy expected to crawl under the hood, if the child acted up, it was mom that did the actual frontline war duties... dad was merely the threat that would close the deal at the end of the day... Then along came "Mr. Mom" and "Private Benjamin" and the whole world was turning upside down!

Now I had good male examples growing up, don't get me wrong! My dad could fix anything, and it was rare that he didn't have a power tool or a wrench close to his person at most times! My first experience with a skill saw, however, left my dad in great fear for his life! I cut through the cord... I was done! I never liked working on cars... either it was too cold or too hot, or then all that grease and dirt and all... and no two boards would line up for me for anything to save my neck in shop...

So I turned to writing, and music, and then accounting, and went for the office work that would keep tools and other such dangers out of these hands that weren’t built for the tool box! As a result, I have tender and sensitive hands, as well as a tender and sensitive heart. I don't like macho male war movies and you can keep your sports and extreme recreational shows, but I love to sit through a "feel good" marathon and to have a box of tissues handy for a chic flick! This is extremely embarrassing for me to admit, so watching Al, who is the guy on "Home Improvement" who has the real working skills but also has an ability to be a sensitive man, is a relief to me! Knowing that men exist like Tim who are extremely macho grunting oriented, but totally inept with tools is also very helpful to my confused male ego!

To keep tabs on what should be a clearly defined male persona, I have kept a beard for some time now. The ladies around my house love this, so it isn't a point of contention for me as some of my other male counterpoints have run into in their homes. It helps me keep my manly focus on those days when I'd rather be with the girls at the office gossiping over next week's American Idol hero, and which shade of lipstick would accentuate my skin tones, and what earrings would look better with my light blue chiffon ensemble.

Come to think of it, however, a lot of guys are showing up at the plant with just such problems... how to keep earrings out of the machinery and highlights on the cheekbones on hot sweaty days... my daughter told me tonight that some are out there now worried about eyeliner getting in the eyes when they get sweaty driving in the sun...

Tim and Al, help me! I'm getting so confused!