Skybird

My Eulogy for Mom

2012-01-17T06:44:00.000-08:00

THIS HAS BEEN HIDING IN MY COMPUTER... IT IS TIME TO SHARE.

2011-10-14T06:03:00.000-07:00

In my quiet times of writing, I began to listen to "The Still Small Voice" that whispers to my heart. As I dropped my own story, and listened to soft music, and closed my ever chattering mind and opened up my ever curious heart, I began to hear and record words like I am about to post. This particular writing comes from Halloween Night, the year 2006. I began recording many recordings like this back in the early part of the century.

As I read the anger and frustration and venting that have come into our internet world, and the many human predjudices I find thrown all over in the press and in our worlds, I thought it was about time to let the ones I love (humanity and Earth) hear what "The Gods" think of us...

October 31, 2006

Sananda/Palpae and Sanat Kumara Energy essences combined with the energy fields of the Regency Star Councils send greetings this hour:

On the Nobility of Mankind

The species calling themselves “humankind” are a violent and often irrational species. It is taught among much of their literature that they are a fallen and sinful people. They are a proud people, and stubborn. They war and fight amongst themselves, they judge harshly. They are cruel to their neighbors. They are merciless to themselves. They are often deeply depressed, discouraged, and full of woes and sorrows.

Why do the Higher Beings, then, concern themselves with this species of life that is so embittered and lost? Of what value are they?

Deep in the past of our combined histories the seeds of separation of mankind from their fellow Galaxy members were sown. Many eons ago, long before your recorded history, your soul energies found separation from that of the greater Brotherhoods and Sisterhoods of Light Beings. You began to live in a world of illusions and dreams. You began to see yourselves as separate from the rest of your galaxy, and from the rest of your universes. In dreamscape, you found yourselves on a small spinning orb at the far reaches of the Milky Way Galaxy, on the third planet from the Star Sol, on a little rock called “Earth.”

For thousands of years now, you have gazed out at the stars and wondered if anything were beyond you. You have created “Super beings” in your literature and scripture… both of Honorable and nefarious character. You have surrounded yourselves with the duality of both hopes and shattered dreams.

You mourn, you struggle, you weep… yet you, for the most part, then pick yourselves up and courageously walk into another day of your mortality. Within each and every last one of you is the spark of something that feels so beyond you in most of your waking moments. Yet it plays in your dreams, and weaves its soft webs around you in your unconscious states.

When it all gets to be too much, you come out, and you look to the stars. You look to the skies, and in your solitary hearts, you open your souls to the gods you have come to understand. In the darkest of your hours, you turn to that which is beyond you… intuitively. You seek that which seems beyond you for answers.

And in love… we hear the deepest moments of your hearts… your noble, blessed hearts and souls of wandering. And our souls are overcome with a deep compassion for you… all of you. And in deep honor and respect we send every ray of light and hope that we can offer you, for you are worthy of all that is.

You have forgotten, though. You are so young… so tender… and so unable, often, to see the very signs of our love all around you. You sleep with your eyes wide open, lost in the daydreams of lands of horror and terror. You are caught up in the webs of fear and despair, and know not where to turn for solace.

Children… little children of our deepest desires… it is written in your hearts. You have played long enough in the outer world of illusions and false hopes. Turn now to the inner song… to that which you have turned away from for aeons. Turn into your inner soul, begin the journey inside your memories, beyond the illusions of your current story, and look deeper into the past, and the pasts before those… for you are eternal beings. You have always been.

Do not complicate the process of learning “God Knowledge.” Let go of all of your descriptions and personalizations and generalizations of that which you fear or hope as God. God simply is. You simply are. Accept. Accept also, that all around you, all you see, is God. With this simple vision, it becomes painfully clear that your battles against each other are your battles with God. Does this not bring some clarity into the reasons for the misery of your lives now? What would happen if you were to turn from your fears of that which is beyond you and within you, and in simple honor, you embraced that which once brought you pain?

Would you not begin to find compassion? Would you not begin to find understanding? Would you not begin to find healing?

Would you not begin to finally realize the Godness within each and every thing that abounds? And with this knowledge, how would your world change?

We stand in waiting, willing, oh so very willing for you to drop the fears in your hearts, and turn your very honorable faces into our love/light embrace. We stand waiting to take your soft hands into ours, and walk with you into Joys you have long forgotten. For you are us… seed of our love… love of our hopes and dreams. We stand in waiting because you are, deep within each and every last soul… a noble race. You are Children of the Stars.

You have only forgotten. We stand, awaiting your remembrances of us… awaiting your awakenings. You may see embittered and vain and hopeless beings. We see the embryos of the Gods.

Remember.

MY VERSION OF "IT'S A WONDERFUL LIFE!"

2010-12-04T09:12:00.000-08:00

I felt so strongly about sharing with those who have become followers of my blog (my fan base… yay!) a very deep and poignant turning point of my life in my last entry. It was something I also wanted to try to relive myself to put to words, because I think that all of us have our own Gethsemane’s to walk through in this life… and I find that whereas I am more than willing to share my inner soul, many around me are not so anxious or willing to. But I feel there are things we all can learn and grow from by pulling together not only the sorrows we are bound to feel in this world, but by being willing and open enough to share the Joys as well!

I pulled a Tao card the other morning called “The Joyous.” This is the energy I have surrounding me so often lately, and it is the thought patterns that helped me to create the preceding entry. I would like to share the paragraph that most touched me from the readings about this card…

Don’t be intimidated by joyousness. It is not something to be embarrassed about, so allow it to suffuse every fiber of your being. It is transforming by being uplifting and can soften even the hardest heart. The more joy is circulated, the stronger its fragrance becomes.

Joyousness is not naïveté; it is the outward expression of a free spirit, of innocence and purity, of the inner smile. Because joyousness bubbles up from within, it is not dependent on external circumstances, nor does it need recognition or gratification. …. Life is inviting you to stimulate and inspire, to spread the goodness. Under these auspicious circumstances, you can’t help but do so. (From the Tao Oracle by Ma Deva Padma).

IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE!

It is December 4, 2010.

I am in a deeply satisfying mode in thought and spirit. I want to share it with my family. I want to share it with my friends. I want to share it with the world.

I reflect on my favorite movie of this time of year today. I am in touch with Jimmy Stewart’s character George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Like him, I have so many dreams within me, an exact knowledge of what it is I came to do with my life, but my outer circumstances have kept me in a small town, in a small place, doing something that I’ve never enjoyed doing or thinking about (he continues to operate the small savings and loan building his dad started… trying to give the ones he loves around him a chance to be something in their lives... I am stuck working with money and numbers when I want to build gigantic structures of thought and beauty, wanting to help others find the greatness within their lives...)

Through the greed of the Big Man, George’s close friend has lost (had stolen) nearly all that they had. His world is falling apart, and he can only respond with anger and frustration. He never lived in the world he wanted, and now everything in the world he has been given is falling apart.

He goes into a bar, and in one of the most touching parts of the movie, he says a prayer…

George Bailey: Dear Father in heaven, I'm not a praying man, but if you're up there and you can hear me
[begins crying]
George Bailey: show me the way... show me the way.

He is promptly rewarded with a punch in the mouth.

In a story that me, my family, and all of my friends… our country, our planet are involved in… the last few years have been just that. We all got a gigantic punch in the teeth for circumstances that we wonder what we had anything to do with.

This time of year I replay this movie and retell myself that my life makes a difference… that every life around me makes a difference, and what would be missing in my life if my friends had not been there for me! What would be missing in this earth walk if I had not been here either?

In the end, George Bailey finds out he is the richest man in the town, because he has friends who love and care for him! In the time when he is at the bottom, the miracle occurs in his life that opens his eyes to the love that he had been generating all his life, and it came back to him in ways he could not have expected!

My life is like that. My angel Clarence has been walking with me all of my life, and helping me to see what really is going on “behind the scenes” of my outer experience.

It is December 4, 2010.

I feel deeply loved, and I know somehow, that the troubles that surround my life are only temporary things, and that if I live one day at a time in a willing way, life's Love will help me to deal with them, and grow from them!

For myself, I have learned that I have always been in the right place, at the right time for me, even if my brain didn’t think so! So in the turmoil of the storms that surround me, I feel Joyous this moment, and so often in my life.

Sorrow is contagious. Anger is contagious. Frustration is contagious.

Joy is more contagious. Love is more contagious. Hope is more contagious.

It is the later that I would share with all that I love, but my angels have taught me, it first must start inside of me!

My favorite movie saying at this time of year comes from Tiny Tim in Charles Dickens “A Christmas Story.”

“May God bless us, each and every one!”

AN AWAKENING: AN ANNIVERSARY

2010-12-01T07:56:00.000-08:00

Once you have discovered your hearts desires, and moved to meet them, the Universe works quickly to make them come to be. (A concept gleaned from the Holy Scriptures, The Secret, and Think and Grow Rich.)

It is December 1st, 1978.

I have been out of the military for about 5 months. I am a wreck. I am a drug addict, an alcoholic, and basically living a life that my natural mother’s husband calls “contemplating your belly button.” I am so focused on the hell in my life that I can’t focus on anything else. I left the family I grew up with down in Salt Lake City because they didn’t get me. I came to Boise to live with my natural mother knowing she would get what I was about. She didn’t, her then husband didn’t, and I certainly didn’t.

My half brother was in Jr. High at the time. He was about my only friend at that point in my life, and he was my drug connection. I spent every day I could getting high because life was hell, and I wanted to die and leave the crap I was living. I had probably been “praying for death” for over a year at this point… not in words, but certainly in deed. A month or so back the girl I had wanted to marry said she had other plans for herself, and I was devastated. I was now working at a job I seriously hated with all my heart and soul, and I was caught up in a world so full of contradiction and hallucinations that I had no idea what anything was about anymore.

Just before this day, I remember one night being in a cold fog out in the world, and hearing what in my mind were starships that had come to take every soul off of this planet and I was left alone to rot in my own hell. I screamed at the stars in anger, and wondered what the hell I had ever done to deserve the life that had come all around me, and was collapsing into a deep bondage.

Every day got only worse, and my mind was torn, shattered, and in a hell I would not wish on a Hitler or a Saddam Hussein.

I had scored a lid of Hawaiian Marijuana the night before. This morning, 32 years ago, I got up and got high with my half brother, then took him to pick up his little friends to take them to Jr. High. I was sharing my pot with all of them… my concepts of doing unto others that joy might flow back to you. After dropping them off I began on my usual pattern. I loved to help folks, even then. I picked up a hitchhiker on the freeway and we talked and smoked some, and I took him where he needed to go. Then I got back on the freeway.

I found another hitchhiker that wanted to go to California and score some cocaine. I had never tried cocaine, but I was willing to make the journey. My higher self/soul had other plans. By this time I was at a pretty high altitude with the pot in my head, and I found myself turning off exits back into the city. I had not intended such. I would try to head out to the freeway again, only to find myself turning back into the city. I had no idea where I was. My passenger was already doing something, and the paranoia came on strong. He started to tell me he had a knife. He started to use criminal language and persuasions I had never been exposed to.

It came to a point where when I looked at him I was “riding with Satan” and I was never going to leave the car alive, and he had come to take my soul away to hell. Trapped… mind swimming in a world so not of this world… so real, and painful, and the darkest place I had ever been in my remembrance. I had come to the end of time, and eternity waited for me, and it was going to be an everlasting walk in fire of spirit and mind and soul.

He stepped out of the car and I didn’t know why he hadn’t taken my soul with him. I saw my life end like a picture show at the end of a reel, when the frames just start to flap around with no meaning. I remember screaming… and I remembered no more.

THE END/THE BEGINNING

A deep peace surrounded me. A quiet and serenity I had never ever felt, but remembered from somewhere. All I felt was a LOVE that one cannot put into words, but one who has felt that will certainly know what it is I try to express. Visions and motions began coming again into my conscious mind. I remember my mouth hurt, but then it didn’t matter. I felt bodies around me. I opened my eyes and saw the tears in a young man’s eyes, and felt like I was being hauled away to be put into a casket. The Peace again. Then awakening again, and I found myself in an ambulance with a woman, and then the darkness again.

It is December 1st, 1978, and I have awoken in a hospital room. The doctor and nurse see that I am okay, and begin the process of letting me get ready to go home. It is early evening. My mother and her husband have been contacted, and Jim has come to get me. He is not happy with me. I don’t think he had ever been happy with me. He tells me that my car is in a lot completely ruined, that the people that had pulled me out of my car had wondered how I had even survived. (I had only bit my lip.) He tells me that the woman that had been in the ambulance with me had been loading a van with her brother when my car crashed into her, and had circumstances just been a few inches different, she would have been killed. He told me that witnesses said I had come out of a side street into a major highway, and that I had been hit by two different cars, but the worst that anyone had gotten was a kid that hit me that said he had had worse pains on a football field.

He said that I was damn lucky, and that if I didn’t get sued I would be even luckier still. He said I never should have survived the wreck.

No one ever found any marijuana in the car, nor did they test me for drugs or alcohol. Apparently when “Satan” left, he took the pot with him, and in so doing, may have really been the Angel in my life at that time, working to answer the prayers I had been saying to come take my damn miserable life.

“Are you sure this is what you really want!”

Life changed around me quickly. My mother and her husband had no idea how to deal with me. My dad and my stepmom made arrangements to get me back home to Salt Lake City for the Holiday that year. My short life in Boise was over. I was later to realize that many things “came to an end” that day in December of 1978.

Early in 1979 my dad took me up to the VA Hospital to begin outpatient drug and alcohol rehabilitation that was supposed to be my life for the next 6 months. He did the most significant thing of my life that morning. He told me that he loved me. He was not a man who expressed much emotion in words at all. I don’t know if he ever really knew how. That made the moment so important and special to me. It was something I had never doubted in my life by his actions. It was something I had never heard him put into words.

Once you have discovered your hearts desires, and moved to meet them, the Universe works quickly to make them come to be.

I made up my mind to make a new life for me that day. I worked on every concept I was being taught up at that clinic. Within 3, not 6, but within 3 months my therapists felt I was ready to go back into life again, with new tools and skills to help me on my journey. I enrolled at Snow College for the spring semester of 1979 in March. I went down there, living with my cousin 1 month my junior as we attended our classes down in Ephraim. I lived in Mt. Pleasant, a block or two from where my dad had grown up with my Grandpa and Grandma and all his brothers and sister. I was at home… in my families roots.

In April of that year I was introduced to a girl that would soon become a good friend. By the end of Spring quarter we had seen a lot of each other, and we came back to our parents homes in Murray, and began dating.

It is December 1st, 2010.

I have been married to my best friend Laurel for nearly 31 years now. Last night we celebrated my oldest boy's 30th birthday with his friends and my other son and his wife, and with my daughter. They are all grown now. And I am proud of them, and love them and my good friend Laurel more than I can put to words.

A new life started for me on that December day in 1978. When I put into my heart what I really wanted, the Universe worked very quickly to make it happen.

When the student is ready, the Master appears.

Finding the Diamonds around us

2010-11-03T04:37:00.001-07:00

I had an interesting experience yesterday, that I've probably actually had most of my life, and it has caused me to think and ponder about something that I feel has been a big stumbling block for me for a long time...

Since I can remember I've always wanted to be a well known writer. I've felt in my heart so many things that I want to bring to someone else’s eyes and share with them. I have spent literally hundreds of hours with paper and pencil and music, and now a keyboard and a word processing program, mastering my craft, and honing my skills as a poet/philosopher/lyricist. I remember in junior high sitting in a class as we analyzed "The Sounds of Silence" by Paul Simon and thinking to myself someday I want to have my work studied in schools and people touched by my writings as much as I was touched by the writings I came across.

Yesterday on Facebook, a very good friend of mine sent me a list of the 15 most influential writers in her life, and I am to turn around and do the same. It is a fun game, and helps me learn a lot about the folks that I love, and share with them a little more about me, and I'm glad to do such things, but I wasn't on her list, and though I kidded her about it, in a way, I was also hurt inside. My friend in no way intended anything by the list than to share with me what she loves, and she certainly didn’t intend a hit to my ego! The ego is all mine, and my responsibility to deal with, and work through!

But it is a common feeling I go through. One I have come to recognize for the ego that it is and perhaps that is a good thing to help me keep my feet on the ground.

As a fun thing for me, she had actually listed one author twice that we both love, so she said that I could step into the 10th spot where the second listing was, and that she did feel that I belonged there, and it made my heart sing!

And I feel like this is a selfish thing on my part... sometimes.

I do realize that most authors will never meet the folks whose lives they influence or touch, so they write for other reasons as well.

Yet I have often kept my dream in the back closet, hidden, because sometimes I think that others around me don't appreciate enough the hard work, the deep thoughts, the time taken to record so much, and most of it sits in my computer while I work on things with less meaning in my life so I can appear normal, or be what I think others think I am. But mostly, it is on hold because I need to make a living!

As I look around me, I find so many of us in the same situation. We have so many gifts inside of us that our daily living puts on hold so we can get by surviving life.

I also know I do very much the same thing… it wouldn’t have occurred to me if I had been her that I had even taken it the way I took it! And I know I have said things to others that were meant one way, but probably heard another way!

I think sometimes that I have spent too much time trying to fit into other people’s molds of me rather than truly letting the gifts I have shine out. And I wonder about how others have felt about the masks they may feel I am superimposing on them.

I remembered this morning something I read in the Bible once. Christ told his disciples that a prophet is not recognized in his own country.

Now I won't even pretend to be comparing myself to His level... but my point is that I think we overlook the abundance of the gifts in others that are around us sometimes because we are too close to the people in our lives and we tend to see the faults and things that ought to be corrected in them and we often overlook the things that they are truly gifted at… on any level.

I think mostly about my children, whom I’ve had to play the parent card on so many times that I often overlook the gifts they may also be hiding from me because I’m demanding more “perfection” from them in their daily lives.

It seems natural to me that we to look to folks we don't know as our inspiration, our guidance, our influences, our hero's, and I think the reason is we aren't around them enough to see their flaws and their human sides.

I can be so much this way. I can name the musicians that have influenced my life, the athletes, the authors, the politicians... but in reality, the people that have influenced my life the most are the common folks that are all around me in my everyday life. Most, if not all of us, will not make any grand statement on the big stage, but everyone of us are making an impression on everyone that comes into our lives.

And so I am trying to look much closer for the Diamonds that are in the rough, but are beginning to shine all around me! If your eyes come here, you certainly are one of them! The blogs I read, and the time I spend with you in business, or in play, or in emails or chats, or in living with... those are the things that have the most lasting impression on me! I am grateful for the many wonderful folks in my life!

As I think about my own dreams, and what I know is inside of me, I think of the many times that a word or expression from someone close to me has closed me down just as I was beginning to bring my dreams out into the forefront. In reality, the only one that can choose for me to feel the way I feel is me, so I bought into the naysayer’s, or the critics, or the apathy towards what I am trying to share, and I am solely responsible for keeping my heart on the back burner.

What I am also thinking about this morning is what I may have said or done to others to shy them away from the dreams in their hearts! Each of us has a gift that no one else has. Each of us has a piece of the puzzle that will make us great if we share. It is my prayer this morning that I remember to honor the diamonds around me, no matter how rough they may seem to appear to me right now…You really are the hero's of my journey.

(And I hope this friend can forgive me for using her as an example in this blog, but she has been one of the greatest gifts in my life for a very long time, and whether she knows it or not, one of my most favorite inspirations!)

And a Final Dream to consider...

2010-10-01T23:25:00.000-07:00

And thoughts about dream weaving...

The Ultimate Dream-weaver

Now is the time
to live
in the perfection
that you dream.

In the mind
we hear
the chatter of the day,
the noise of life,
the past, present, and future
of the limited journeys
we have chained ourselves to.

We chain ourselves
to our stories.

In silence,
(empty of all of
our own
emotions, joys, fears, visions,
expectations,
triumphs, and disappointments…)

In silence
we hear
the dreams and realities
of God.

Now is the time
to live
in the perfection
that you dream.

In God’s dreams,
you are already perfect.

BKBushman 10/17/2006

Another Dream... Not so Morbid!

2010-10-01T23:20:00.001-07:00

For other dreamer's who may understand:

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream…

I place my jammies on my bod,
and kneel for evening prayer,
then quickly jump into my bed
to meet the sandman there.

I snuggle quickly in the sheets
the pillow gets a fluff,
and soon I drift in silent mode
to deal with vision stuff.

T’is there I meet with dog and cat
who chase me down the street,
but nowhere do I go with speed,
for something drags my feet.

Now quickly doth the vision change
at church, at speaking, I
now find myself delivering speech
in jockey shorts and tie.

Yet no one finds this strange or weird
and quickly am I now
in wonderment at how I came
to be in love with cow.

Then at alert, with open eyes
I thought that I had fell,
from off a cliff, or off the bed
My heart beats fast as well.

Yet snoring comes so quick again
and flying off I go
to rescue dear fair maiden sweet
whose face is white as snow…

Her ruby lips I softly kiss
and whisper sweet her name,
then wide awake I come with hurt,
My wife’s not named the same…

With aches and groans I fall asleep,
to horrors yet to be,
I light my self a cigarette
not one, nor two, but three

Now visions speed and visions twist
where nothing quite remains…
the imps who write my nightly scores
are playing with my brains.

Hark, now some lovely beauty comes
to dance a tease… I sigh…
yet when her dance is finished,
she is just another guy.

Then monster comes into my view
with drooling in it’s jaw,
Yet fear is nil, I see that he
is just my mom in law.

I only hope to wake real soon
I pinch myself with pain,
and glory be, I find that I
am late for work again.

(I can’t wait until tomorrow night…)

BKBushman 3-9-2006

For a Dreamer who Understands...

2010-09-29T15:59:00.000-07:00

Oft times the dreamer has to wonder:

WAR WITHIN
June 15, 1997
8:08 AM

In a land
below a land
below a land
below a land
where fear commands
and fear demands
are many hands
that reach to grasp
but never clasp
the ones that work above.
They work from fear, not love.

They prey upon the meek.
They feed upon the weak.
And love, they never seek
never understanding...
always hate demanding them...
commanding them to kill...
yet never they die.
Strangle, maim,
their faces never the same but always returning,
always learning nothing.

Hope unknown,
never shown,
they walk in fear of each other and lash out,
smash out,
hash out over and over their never ending cycles of killing,
yet living through.

Trying to do it again,
and again,
and again,
in this land
below a land
below a land
below a land
where hate and fear command and demand of them
a cycle of never coming to know
a way to find relief.
Constantly in grief...

Among them I found me.

Among them was my brother.

Prey to the fear and the hate.
Not understanding, not relating
to anything I saw or felt or dreamed...
I screamed,
and the land never left me.

Another cycle shown.
Another battle thrown at me,
my brother,
(my mother of my later years,
her son),
his many fears and tears,
and over and over the cycles played,
new hatreds made,
new fears portrayed,
or old fear cycling on as if never to come to know,
never coming to grow,
never working into the land above
where we worked in a little more love.
Or the land above that, where fear remained,
but was at a more tolerable level.

What brought this dream on?
Why was I gone so long in this world,
never escaping the outer hatred,
the inner fear?
Why was death near, but never coming?

In fear I screamed,
in screaming I awakened
in the world I know now.
Wondering if somehow
I’d lived that world before.

I can’t ignore the feelings as I wake...
my body shivers,
shaking,
wondering at the hardness of my escape
into what I now call reality.

What I saw within my inner eye...
the skies of lives gone by,
or still to come?
None of this was home.
This land below the land
below the land
below the land
where fear commanded me,
demanded me to be
in fear of me and all around.

Always calling, yet never being heard.
Always feeling something wrong, and sure
a better way was there...
Somewhere.

Have I walked these times?
Have I talked these lines
of hatred over and over
in memories now long past?
The images have lasted long into my waking now.
This dream, yet not a dream
that seems to have brought compassion to my soul.

I was killed,
over, and over, and over,
yet never gone from amongst them,
I learned to lash out,
fight back,
attack before I was attacked,
yet I always lost,
dying, yet not gone,
again the cycle played,
a new face, yet the same
became my foe

and off we’d go again, in private battle
with a knife or gun,
or just our fists and hands trying to strangle one another.

In my brother’s eyes I saw
this thirst to have my death.
This drive to take the breath of life I had.

This tragedy I’ve dreamed before.
What message does it bring,
this cycling dream of battle with him?
What has he to forgive me for?
What have I ignored in the healing between us?
What trust was lost in these lives in eons gone?

What wrong have I done him,
(perhaps in dreams gone past)
that makes this dream last so long
within me?

So finally waking in a land
above a land
above a land
above this land of hate...
and in command of greater learning,
greater yearnings to be free from the bonds
I must have fettered him with,
I send my love back down.

Consciously, hopefully wiser,
I send my love in softness, and in prayer...
hoping it will reach there
into this land of fear and hate
where constantly my brother and I war.

And, God willing,
I hope this time the love comes through,
I hope this time the healing comes,
and we’ll have to fight no more.

One of My Earliest Writings

2010-09-19T09:10:00.000-07:00

I want to share this with a nephew of mine who qouted Woody Guthrie this morning on FB. I was feeling this way when I was 17...

THE SINGER
1975

I heard tale sayin there’s a young man playin at the bar tonight.
A quiet, lonely singer who has never been a winner... his guitar’s all right.
(But he wouldn’t sell his soul, and the crowd will never know...
and it’s sad that they don’t try to understand...)
I heard tale sayin there’s a young man playin: where’s the band?

Silent eyes beneath long strands of tattered hair.
And you and I don’t realize what’s hidden there...
how much they care, and how they long to be like you and me.

Fifteen years lonely and to think life’s only in a song?
Does the rhyme he’s playin seem to think he’s sayin he belongs?
Well I hear tell sayin there’s a young man playin at the bar tonight.
And you know, it’s kinda funny he ain’t playin for the money...
his guitar’s all right.

(If you don’t sell your soul, then the people want to know...
and it's sad because they’ll never understand...)
Well I hear tale sayin there’s a young man playin... where’s the band?

9/11/2001 -- My thoughts

2010-09-11T21:02:00.000-07:00

Today is a day of remembrance.

A flag was put up in my yard this morning in honor of a day that flags weren't put up on until about 9 years ago, which isn't a fifth of my life yet. And I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I know where I was and how I felt 9 years ago. I was dumbstruck. I was at the bank and the teller told me she had just heard things were going on in New York, and I rushed home, and kicked the kids off the television and sat and watched with the rest of the world as events unfolded... I got to the tv just moments before the first tower started falling, and then I watched all the destruction, and felt deeply for all the people, and I watched in horror as so much went to waste. Being an accountant, I was especially struck by how meaningless the work that we do can suddenly become. Maybe I noticed the papers flying around more because of what I do... but I didn't miss the significance of the loss of so much.

The next day, I had to drive out to Wyoming to work with a client, and I remember how exremely eerie it was to have nothing in the air. Nothing. I talked to my cousin who was flying for Life Flight a while after that, and he said that he was in the air on a flight, and it was the weirdest feeling to have nothing on the radio waves that was "normal."

I remember thinking though, that maybe our administration wasn't as guiltless in all of this as it suddenly was made out to be. I've thought much since then about what the target of these people were... these radicals that dared to die for what they believed in. They attacked the symbols of our financial world. They attacked the government that they believed was misleading the "Godless" people of the west, who worshipped the material over the spiritual.

Did I sanction their attack? Not in the least. Did I understand their attack? Unfortunately for me it seems sometimes... yes I did.

I was brought up in the public school systems learning all sorts of rallying cries... Remember the Alamo... Give me Liberty, or give me Death; and every day I stood up in the morning and we pledged allegiance to our flag, our God and our Nation.

I served my country right after high school for three years. And then I served it again as a reservist for another 2 or three years. It was a peace time army, in a time when the nation was trying to understand the outcome of Vietnam, and folks were passionate on both sides of the coin.

I was born with a musician's heart, and a writer's soul. I was drawn to the music and lyrics and movies that cried for peace. I understood the hippie movement, but was not one. I understood the patriotic movement, and served my country, but began to see the falacies of how government was running things in my little part of the world, and I didn't really care for the waste.

As an Army musician I played the Star Spangled Banner more times than most Americans will ever hear it. I still feel a tear in my eye when I am at a military funeral, and I see the flag draped over the coffin of a soldier who has passed on. These things still stir the blood and honor in me.

I love America, but America is not the pure and innocent country that was suddenly thrust upon me the day 9/11 hit.

In the aftermath, as I prayed for peace in my heart and with many that felt like me, the nation's administration and the general mood of Americans around me were bent on war. Did I sanction those feelings? No. Did I understand them? Yes.

I sometimes think it would be so much easier to see the world in black and white... to not think, and buy into the rhetoric of the times. It seems that the administration and many of the religions of the world really played the trump card and whipped up anger and hatred against each other. Ah, that same old same old way that the problems of the world are always dealt with... war.

I found myself on the wrong side of the general clamor all of a sudden. The president let it be known that if you weren't for his war, suddenly you weren't patriotic. And I felt that around me as well.

Did I honor the victims of 9/11 any less than the flag waving folks at the time? No. Did I understand their "righteous" anger?

No.

Support America. God Bless America. Support our troops.

Yes, I still honor those sayings, but only in part. The God I began to know on the day that so much came down in America... wasn't an American God. God was the creator of all things, of which this planet is such a small part.

So in my heart I began praying, God bless this earth, and all her people, and all her creatures, and all her beauty, where ever it is.

And then one day I saw a bumper sticker that said "God bless the World."

To be honest, I cringe even now when I see the slogan "God Bless America." To me, it is only the beginning. We can not be One if we are only going to recognize one point of view.

To me, the lesson of 9/11 wasn't so much a cry to become more patriotic, but a reminder that it was time to become a more spiritual people. Not a religious people... a spiritual people. A people that can finally begin to see how much more we have in common with the rest of the world than not.

God Bless our Universe, and all that makes such be.

On the Lighter Side:

2010-09-07T11:19:00.000-07:00

I met a new blog site this past week or so... well, I guess I could say that as I've never met the writer, although I have met the man... well, I guess I can't really say that I've met the man, but we Face Book now, and we were introduced by a gal that I e-mail and went to High School with, and I have met her, so I suppose I can say that I've kinda met the writer of the blog, well I know she's met the writer of the blog somewhere in their pasts because she and I are in Utah now and he's in Texas and my wife and I would be in either the upper Oregon area or the upper New England area this time of year but definately in Arizona for the warmth when the snow flies so I guess we wouldn't be in Texas where the writer of this blog whom I've never met but now know lives.... lives.

(Whew)

He was doing something I hadn't thought about! He was writing two or three blogs, depending on his mood, and you can go to one blog if you want serious, and you can go to another blog if you just want a peice of his mind and you can go to other blogs to meet his family (my girls have started their own blogs and they are all over there on the left hand side if you want to go to any of them which I would recommend because I love to go there...)

(Whew, agian.)

For myself, I've just been cutting and pasting on this site mostly because I've been putting what little there is of my mind into my computer for quite sometime, and I figure I deserve the break now that the technology has caught up to me!

Sometimes I get really deep and serious, and I like being deep and serious (I'm not sure too many people around me can stand me that way,) but then I deny myself the Joy of being just plain goofy! I love being goofy! I love that life came with a humor button that we can push when it get's too much! (And I know most people around me can't stand me that way!)

So, to lighten it up, I thought I'd cut and paste a writing I did about my dreams into this blog, and maybe you will connect, and maybe you won't, and maybe, if my fan meter is accurate, you will have already read this, but it's worth putting in another place, just so I can come somewhere else where it looks different!

.... well I'll be derned... I can't cut and paste this one into the editing box right now. I wonder if I'm in voilation of Copyright infringement on my own work? It wouldn't surprise me. My computers are saving me from plagiarizing myself! Thank you most wonderful and gracious peices of......

(beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep)

A Letter

2010-09-06T07:27:00.000-07:00

There was a Facebook posting going around about "hit like" if you are a True Christian. I have a hard time with those things, so I jotted down what I felt here.

Dear God:

Am I a Christian?

I read your book several times. There are some beautiful passages in it, but… even as a little kid I had a hard time reading it. The writing alone was sloppy, edited beyond belief, but I found I could use it to justify my points of view, but somehow… it felt like I was missing the point… well, really, I just didn’t get the point, or at least… I thought I did… but I felt empty.

Then a church came along God! And they said that you hadn’t stopped talking, and that made sense to me! So for a long time I went to this church, well… on and off… but I read all their books too, and they had beautiful passages in them, but my friends who called themselves Christians would get mad at me and show me passages in their book (the one I had trouble reading, remember?) and would tell me the devil had a hold on me.

I was scared God. I didn’t like what I had read about the devil, and I never wanted people to think that I followed him! I certainly didn’t consider myself a “devilian”. I would have thought that the way I was trying to live would make me a good Christian. I guess I didn’t get it God.

So when I got a bit older, I began to wonder who Christ really was. I mean, I had a picture of Him from your book God (you remember, the one you “wrote” that is so mysterious and not so well written) and I had realized by now that your book had been written by men who loved you, but other men had changed and twisted your words and called them yours so they could have power over other men around them. What had been written about Christ was not what I think Christ would have been proud of… and it bothered me God, that Your Son had not been allowed to write in your book in the first place, other men had just tried to remember what he said years after he said them (I can’t remember what I said yesterday!)

But I still felt like I was a Christian God, I mean, I hoped that I loved your Son, even though I was not a perfect boy, but I wasn’t trying to hurt people or nothing! I was really trying to live what I felt Christ was teaching on the mountain that day… but I still felt that something was missing.

In your book, in James somewhere, you mentioned that if we didn’t understand, we could come to you, and that you wouldn’t be mad at us (I guess that’s what “upbraideth” means – by the way, that word doesn’t pass my spell-check) so I turned on some music that touches my heart deeply, and I quieted my thoughts the best I could God and I listened for you. I truly tried to listen for you.

And I heard you God! And I heard your Son, and felt your love, excuse me, your Deep Love for me and everything you have created everywhere… (of which this world is such a small part) and I started using my little talent to write what I was feeling and the tears flowed over the paper and in my heart… you know, those cleansing ones You love to send to us little children when we feel we’ve gone astray…

And I shared my feelings God. I thought my Christian friends would love them, but I heard so many times that they ran counter to your book God. I don’t get it. I really don’t.

My world picture isn’t helping me God. In my heart I felt a deep love for all things, for all beings, for all creation… and that it all breathes Life, and that you breathe all of this into everything. But my Christian friends don’t often get that. They read in your book to love your enemy, but they hold their banners high and march into “righteous” war against them. (By the way God, didn’t you tell me that their enemies were your children? Why are they trying to destroy half of themselves not to mention your children because of their banners?)

I don’t know God. I know I love you, and I know I love Christ as I feel Him in my heart… but I have a hard time seeing that Love I feel inside in the outer world right now. The ones who claim your book is your only literal word seem to be making as big a mess of things politically around me, as the other ones who say their book is your literal word.

Are Religions your home God? Do you sanction this group over here above that group over there? Why did you make us so different in our thinking God? Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to make us all the same? We wouldn’t fight. We wouldn’t call each other names. Wouldn’t we be true Christians then?

Oh, and God… somewhere along the line I got the crazy idea that your heart and love are in each one of us, and that we have the gifts to lift our world, but so many of the folks around me think you have to do all the work yourself. Aren’t you doing that through us? Aren’t you asking us to be quiet, and listen to our hearts and learn that you still walk among us? And that we are you in that respect! That you lift the world through us?

Isn’t that what Christ was trying to tell the people on the mountain so long ago?

Anyway that’s what I got. I’m sorry I missed the point God. I know that if I publish this letter in my outer world, all sorts of Christians are going to call me a Deviler, or maybe they won’t call me that but I will be given some label, and probably have to go get drugs to fix me up somehow.

Anyway God thanks for listening. I do love you. I do love your Son Christ that I have felt in my heart and in my hands so many times. I just wish that qualified me to be a Christian…

That’s all.

Affirmation - Two days after my birthday in 2002

2010-09-04T22:06:00.000-07:00

Sky canvas,
cloud, blue, cloud,
then rain.

A bow of color sometimes,
A place to dream.

Sky.

Flight and daring
and caring for all
that moves softly below.

The sway of trees
and the rustle of the grasses
that pass within the vision
of the heaven beings,
The hawk and crow...

They see and know from the sky
what I see below.

I long to see from their eyes
and try my own wings.

To soar over the mountains
that now defeat me.
That keep me from my goal’s end.

In my mind I fly their way,
but day to day I walk my own path,
and sooner or later,
if I am moving as well,
the same mountains are crossed.

Whether bird or man...

I can.

Bruce K Bushman 4/25/2002

An American Reflection

2010-09-03T05:36:00.000-07:00

time to reflect...

um, sorry.

2 much 2 do.

gotta run.

My First Writing in almost 2 years - New

2010-08-30T19:31:00.000-07:00

There is a Time

There is a time
for being noisy and raucous,
for letting it all hang out…

…for screaming when the roller coaster
slings you at hurtling speeds down
the track of your life
as the wind blows your hair
in a million directions.

There is a time for being busy.
A time when you place
your mental effort
into the projects of your days
and play the responsible card
in your hand.
.
A time to grandly attack the needs
of others so that
you can take care of
the needs of yourself.

There is a time to let go
of the busy day…
to focus on the family side of life…
to laugh and to cry
and to try to figure out
what it is each of you are missing,
or forgotten that you had.

There is a time for all of this.

So why are we always out of time for any of it?

We are stressed;
tested to the point of frustration
because none of the pieces
that we are tying to juggle
will stay in the air anymore.

There is a time to swear.
To give up and to crawl
into a fetal ball
and make the world go away.

And there is a time to wake back up…
to remember the visions of your night;
the dream that came back to you
in your fetal sleep…
…your childlike innocence,
and remember again.

There is a time
to put your feet back on the floor,
look at the day anew,
and let the failure (that was no failure, really),
open your eyes to
perhaps a new way of looking
at the old ways that didn’t work,

and find a new way
of expressing a beautiful you.

BKBushman 8-30-2010

The Process...

2010-08-27T16:44:00.000-07:00

A few years ago a friend of mine asked me what I did to get in the mood to write what I write. I told her that it always begins with music for an inspiration. For the last several years, I have had an affinity with music called "New Age." That music has become the backdrop, or canvas from which I generally will start painting with words.

Sometimes I will enhance the mood of the room a bit, a soft candle burning, but not often. Mostly, music is enough to enhance the muses to come out of hiding and help me in the process of poem creation.

When I began writing back in 1975 or so, I would pull out a yellow pad, turn on the music (almost always it was Neil Diamond's Jonathan Livingston Seagull album because at the time that was the deepest spiritual music I found around me) and then I would quiet my mind, put pen to paper, and then just let my hands start forming what came inside of me.

It was a process that I have no real words for, because it was like sensing something within that wasn't part of the every day world coming to the forefront and leaving footprints of thought on the page before me. Afterwards, I would read the writing and be amazed at what would often come out. So much was so deep, and so beautiful (to me anyway.)

Then I would spend time with my old Corona typewriter (not even electric) and some carbon paper if I wanted to share something, and it was a painstaking process... and often times a green eraser that looked like a pencil but had a broom on the end of it for sweeping crumbs would have to come out (no backspace bars back then... no quick fix and edit... and especially no spellcheck!) It was a labor of love... something I felt inside I had to do and something that came into material form that eventually I was going to share.

I got the idea for a book way back then, and called it "A Poet's Journal" and I would stay up nights and nights working on the creative part, and then on the editing part. The more I wrote, the more I wanted to write, and it was a labor of love.

Then about a year into the writing, I was stationed at Ft. Huachuca as a musician, working on my book and my mother had some of the writings bound for me in book form to bring to me as a gift, and I was horrified! The gift was given out of love, but all I could see was this unfinished product staring me in the face! I think seeing my dream already out in the world and exposed as a little child frightened me a lot!

Over the years, as the computers came on board, I remember using the college computers to edit, compose, and re-edit my ever growing "Journal" but I never quite felt that it was time to try to hit the market. Technology kept changing, and I kept re-doing my writings every few years trying to keep up with the times. I always had in mind that some day I would like to publish a book of my writings... but 'life' and 'lack of money' became really handy excuses for not getting out there.

Today, we have such wonderful technology, and the ability to create for ourselves what we want to send out to others, and it has made the process of editing so much faster and easier, and the ability to set up files and organize and print when and where I want is fantastic, but The Process of creation is not much that different, other than typing as opposed to writing has changed.

I still start with music - wordless music if possible - and I close my eyes, take a deep breath, quiet my mind, and listen for the Muses to start their song for these hands to record. Typing with my eyes closed, I see and feel and hear the words that long to come to light, and I can type now so much faster than the writing used to go.

I never plan the work. That would take all the wonder out of the piece that I read when I turn off the writing brain and come back with my reader's eyes that see in wonder, for the first time, what came from the heart while the music played.

A thought from 2001

2010-08-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

So I've been sitting here wanting to share something but not knowing what. I opened my document files to the writings of 2001, and this one stood out to share. So I will share it. I think Laurel did a drawing around it that we sent to my Aunt who lives in Australia. It is my memory anyway. It seemed right tonight to add it to my growing blog site.

AMERICAN MOUNTAIN MAJESTY

North American skyline,
shining softly on the mountains of the West...
tested through the storms of Eons,
created in the turmoil of
Earth’s Birth.

Standing tall; pines, oak and beech,
reaching out to shade
the strata of life
that run and live below and around...

the ground squirrel, the deer, the elk,
the bear,
the insects there in all their variety and
glory...

a never ending story of death
and life
and the struggle to survive...

Intense is the Energy that
feeds all life there
in the high air of the
Rocky Mountain ranges.

Lakes and streams and beams
of sun and moon
are Heaven’s artwork...
the wind Her tune
that whispers through the trees and
around the rocks and grasses.

Time passes for man as a
blink of an eye
under the skyline of the mountains.
They stand as hope around man’s world
that seems to be falling under shadow.

The mountains stand patient in their
living of life.

Bruce K Bushman 12/30/01

The first thought this morning...

2010-08-17T05:45:00.000-07:00

"Wisdom is blending the hope of a child with the experience of an adult."

I remember waking this morning from a dream where I had gone into a little used room in my home to look for something, and seeing the blinds open, I went to close them only to disturb a nest of birds that had taken over living there. They weren't afraid of me, but rather, they were interested in what I was.... and as in all dreams the vision somehow shifted to us being in a much larger room, or even outside, and I had gotten playful with the birds. I guess one of them had thrown something at me and I had swung at it with what I thought was a baseball bat. As more of the birds started getting into the spirit of the game, and throwing things my way I realized it was some sort of fruit, and when I looked down at what I was trying to swing at the fruit with, I had a banana in my hand, and the birds thought that this was a kick, and I couldn't hit a thing, and the more I swang at the fruit, the more they were unafraid of me and I of them...

I remember thinking that I wanted to tell Laurel when she got home that we had birds that had moved into one of the rooms upstairs but not to worry... they loved us...

And then I woke up with the thought in my head... "Wisdom is blending the hope of a child with the experience of an adult."

Now I'm no dream interpreter, but I wanted to write this down before I forgot in the light of a new day. Why this dream meant so much to me, I don't know. It's one of those little things that when you try to describe it to someone, the words all come out wrong and the visions seem nonsense, but you knew it had something to teach you... something you needed to learn, or remember.

The birds represented innocence in my dream, and my being there represented being a much more mature being letting go of preconceived notions and letting my silly side come out with a form of life that wasn't the same as my expression.

Anyway, I write it so as not to forget it.

I keep thinking maybe this dream was for the birds... (my critical analyzing self), but somehow, I am not sure it was!

To Rant, Perchance to Scream...

2010-08-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

There are folks who are of the opinion that inanimate objects are just that... inanimate.

Don't give me that bunk! These must be folks who don't sit all day with one of these "marvelous tools" called computers staring at them in the face and... laughing sometimes! Yes, laughing!

These things not only are full of soul and will, they are also full of mischief, and love to make my day miserable sometimes! First off, try to get one of these things to even begin to do your bidding until they've had their morning Java. You might as well go get loaded and settled yourself before you even begin to think you are going to accomplish something some days.

If they reacted the same way every day, that would be something... but they don't! Take the other night for instance. Here I was trying to do too many things anyway (multi-tasking, I think we call it now...) and one of the things is that I'm trying to put a small book together in JPG form to send out to my friends, Didn't do anything different I did last week, but would it cooperate this time??? NOOOOO. To much to ask, I guess!

Ever try to sit through a scanning process? BORING! But it was only seven pages, so what the heck, ya know? Got them all scanned and just as I hit the button to put them together I get this error page that says... well, I don't rightly know what it says, but I KNOW the computer is Mocking Me!

So going back to patience lessons 101, I start all over. 1...2...3...4...5...6....7 scan them all in again, and up comes the same stupid "we ain't gonna do it again, here are your error choices you idiot human!" By this time I'm mad, and my will buttons are pushed and I'm gonna make this thing do my bidding or die trying!

Another 20 minutes.... ending in a silent snicker from my laptop as I failed yet again. I don't even care what the stupid message says this time... I "control, alt, delete" the damn thing and slam the cover down and slink off to my pity party that I was late for...

This morning I tried a different approach... I picked up my little mouse, rubbed it's little underside a cuddle or two, and in my best Scotty voice I whispered... "Good morning Computer!"

I'll be durned! No error messages... no grief... and the project is done!

Don't tell me you aren't alive and in my life just to make me crazy you technical beast you! But thanks for the help today! I couldn't have ranted without you!

Another New Blogger in the Family

2010-08-14T07:51:00.000-07:00

So now my daughter has talked her mom into creating her own blog site as well. Bridget got having so much fun with the blogging process the night before, that she sat down here and guided and helped Laurel get going on her own blog site, which, I think, Laurel was a little hesitant to do.

But once you get Laurel hooked on a new toy, she really gets going, and she came out with her first blog last night and I absolutely enjoyed it! She calls it "There Ought to Be a Law Against it" and it is so Laurel!

So once again, I am going to be shameless, and put in a plug for another family member who has found this site and decided to blog for themselves.

I so look forward to her next installments of "There ought to be a Law Against it!" I just hope I don't find "hubbies" there any time soon!

My Daughter sets up a Blog Site

2010-08-13T05:02:00.000-07:00

My daughter spent the night setting up her own blog site and beginning to post her own thoughts on the web. She is my daughter! It took me no time to sign up as one of her followers! Her site is called "Inside This Head These Thoughts Are Deep." It is a perfect name for her blog, as it fits her all too well.

As with all generations, the newer can teach the older so many things. I think I grew up with the belief that it is the older that should be teaching the newer (kind of a black and white way of thinking) generation how to live and what life's about. Actually, it probably takes listening ears on both sides of the equation.

I loved what she had to say. She said a few of my thoughts, but in a different perspective. And some of the things she had to say were new ways for me to look at things.

I think I know my daughter... she is so much like me in so many ways... but then, since I can't ride in her brain, how much do I really know her????

I know this much... I know that I am proud of her, that I love her very much... and that I am honored to have her as not only a daughter that has always been around me since she was born, but now that she is an adult, I also have a very wonderful friend!

Good going on your site! It is fun to have you around me in so many ways!

For a fellow artist. You know who you are!

2010-01-13T19:46:00.000-08:00

Let's see, in 1983 I would have been around 26 years old! Just a reference point for you! Yes, I realized the universe turns slowly way back then!

OVERHEAD WALKS THE SUN
1983

Overhead walks the sun
in majestic stride...
not caring to run
eternal abide,
slow ride...
fast tempo to shun...
at peace... one.

The clouds softly drifting,
complimenting her pace...
slow movement, shifting...
knowing their place...
oft taking chase
then her chariot lifting...
her rays sifting

as they fall from the sky
to brush my face,
and capture eye...
feel their embrace...
time, space,
their merging nigh...
completed... sigh.

The sky’s movements urging
my soul to be purging...
my life unify...
my heart purify.

A New Year... A New Life

2010-01-13T18:57:00.000-08:00

It has been so long.

I've written these words before, in my journals that few people see other than me.

2009 was so very hard on me. It's time to move on.

AFTER YEARS ALONE
1983

I tremble...
my hand at touch of pen to paper...
(and so soul to light)
to feel the words flow again
after so many years of hiding.

But trembling eases (slowly)
as once more the flow comes
through my heart, past pen,
and into my eyes gaze once more.

I still care...
and feel...

And I still need to express my heart
despite my fears of leaving traces
of my soul
for the world to trample.

I’ve been told by some close
that they miss those glimpses.
And as scared as I am
to touch you again,
dear paper...

I missed you, too.

Of course, it's all said electronically now, and everyone gets to put their opinion out on the airwaves for all to see. I made a rule a long time ago... if my writing goes out... I hope it is uplifting and beautiful to the eye that captures it. So even if it is just for me... as always... I gain therefrom!

Moment

2009-08-30T12:04:00.000-07:00

For me, it is learning to be in the current moment.

Not the past.

Not the future.

Just this moment.

To realize that I AM in every breath I take.

It is an interesting practice.

To write, or not to write... that is the. . .

2009-08-28T05:35:00.000-07:00

You know, I am told Shakespeare was born on my birthday. Not the exact day, really, but the day I was born was the day he would have been eating ice cream and cake as well... if they did that kind of thing then.

I wonder if that is why I love the bard? Well, I can't say I especially am akin to the man. I tried reading some of his work many years ago, and didn't really get much from it myself then. I went to a school that every year celebrated the Shakespearean plays, and the small town is built around the theatres that have been built there and the crowds they draw to these plays every year. My mom in law came and took my wife one year... but I had to work or something, and never got over to the theatre to see anything... not that I was ever drawn...

But his writing has had a major impact on world literature, and is a part of my culture today. It's kind of like the Beatles. As a musician, I found them quite simple, really, and never really got into their music much either, although I do not take away from them the major role they have played in our cultural thought as well.

So what is it that they did that brought them to the forefront of world literature and music? Probably no more than follow their passions first... their love for what they did...

or maybe they were just driven.

I can understand those things myself. My greatest passion and love comes from when I am creating. I used to think it just meant playing an instrument when I was young. Then later I thought it just meant that writing was creation... and these things were meant for the gifted. Lately I have found that everything I do is a creation and a gift to the world around me.

I'm glad I'm growing up. I'm learning that each day I bring myself to life's drawing board... in any form... I am creating the world around me. I am the captain of my ship! And each wonderful soul around me is doing the same thing! Each and every one of us create for each other in all the ways we do so.

It has become so wonderful to understand that some of the most moving creations are some of the simplest. Lately a smile can change the world around me. And a smile is a creation we can all share! It is my honor and joy to recognize all the creations around me, in all the forms they are taking!

KISS... Keep it short, stupid...

2009-04-20T05:12:00.000-07:00

I live in the time of the soundbite. I live in the time when people have little tolerance for length or depth. Keep it short, or there is no time to view.

How sad. How utterly sad.

Patience was not built in quick times. None of the most solid of things ever was...

WRITER'S BLOG

2009-04-19T05:28:00.000-07:00

Hello Bruce... and anyone who might wander along.

I spend much of my life thinking about being a writer/musician... and spend most of my life doing accounting. For many years this was an extremely frustrating situation for me. In my youth I could see myself traveling... on stage... writing all the time... always touching lives... and how my ego thrived on the visions. I sure didn't care about the money so much as the fame... and the dreams I could visualize! Actually made it to semi-pro as a musician... traveled all around the southwest with a Military Band...

...then in about the early 20's (my early 20's... which were actually in the late 70's!) reality set in. I was not fond of the military. Oh, I had been writing during most of that time... but at that age, "Emo" had set into my writings (I learned this word a few years ago from my daughter about kids who dwell on drama...) (and like to wear black).

So I chose the safe path. My second love had been numbers... and I am pretty sure a good part of my decision to be safe is that I really wanted to be a father. So I met a gal, got a degree, and began a career.

I won't go through all the wonderful drama of that game! That's not the reason for this post! But around it all I would come back to the late night, early morning from time to time when my muses play, and would write again.

For a while in the mid to late 80's the writings got very dark, as did my thoughts, and there finally came a night when we had a ceremony to burn all that negative energy... my little family who for the most part probably didn't quite understand why dad had to do this...

When I get writing... I get writing... and I get very deep and attached to only that... while my 'normal' life takes a beating, and I feel like I let my family down. Time after time I put my heart's desire back on the shelf to fit into 'reality' but sooner or later the writer within me has to come out and play.

Some time ago I began to hear about, and then learn about balance. About the need to express both in my life. I'm still not the best about it... but getting lots better.

We've been watching "The Waltons" series on television lately. I pay close attention to John Boy, because I was exactly where he was at 17. I loved writing more than anything, and could lose myself in it. But whereas he is a story teller, I tried to tell the stories of the heart through poetry. I began what I called "A Poet's Journal" and have been adding to it for over 30 years now. On and off. When life allows... and that is never as much as I have always wanted.

I have met becoming musicians who have put my words to music. I have heard my words in song, but not by anyone who had the power to make them go very far. A friend of mine put together enough music some time ago to play a concert for my mother, wife and kids for over an hour... and it touched me deeply.

I have a sister in law who put music to one of my writings once... and has played it from time to time herself, but doesn't really have time, like me, to help it go anywhere.

About 3 years ago I began to feel the power of the internet. And all these writings I have been putting together time after time in new ways as our tecnology changed finally got a chance to come out to the light of day a wee bit.

I began using e-mails to send my deeper thoughts. I have always through all of this wanted to touch lives that were hurting... and let us all know that we are okay... even though a lot of days I don't really believe it myself sometimes!

So many early mornings I come to the keys, and I will close my eyes and begin. I'm glad I learned typing, because I will write by feel for a long time before I open them again, hearing the inner song of my heart, or the inner song of the music of souls. And when I open them and read, I am more amazed every time. It is one thing to write... an experience I have no words to express... it is another thing to come back later and read... and wonder how such could come through these hands.

I still feel like I am going nowhere sometimes in my dream. So I go back to "reality" and try to play the game of numbers, and I am better at it... and don't mind it on many days, but I come back to feeling like I'm not really fullfilling the purpose I came here for... to touch lives...

And then one day I shared my dream of healing with a client of mine, and she said that every time I came up to do her books, I was healing them financially... and all of a sudden it was okay to be in that world as well.

I wish I knew how to share in a huge way, though. I get feedback about how some I share with have folders now dedicated to my writings... and I am deeply touched, and feel once more that maybe others are starting to hear what I have deeply felt.

I hear a story from time to time that a writing of mine has gone out further than I have ever dreamed it to for a loved one who is struggling and could use what was written. And then it becomes even more important to come back to the keys now and try to touch the inner music I hear so often, and put words around it to come into someone's life.

Last year I won a contest and was invited to go to Las Vegas to accept an award, and meet poets... but I couldn't afford to go, nor could I get in touch with the sponsors, who I felt for the most part just wanted my money anyway. But my ego dwelled on it for some time... the awards, the acclamations... and I had to come to my heart to ask myself why it is I write...

Do I want the fame and glory? And part of me will go off dreaming of such and get caught up in that story for a bit... until I come back to me and realize that I really write to touch lives, not to accept awards. And I go back to my struggle in 'the real world' and watch as young kids selling hatred and fear put gold around their bodies and live in big cribs, and I get angry that the world is so, and that the market sells trash and I decide that I would rather be poor and touch lives where I can, and play the safe game of working in an acceptable fashion for money.

And then I wonder if I am touching any lives at all.

So as I sit here alone in the early morning... some days I feel like I'm just spinning. And so I go back to 'reality' to be safe again... but the writer in me always returns...

So Bruce... if no one is listening out there (and you know better now!), at least you are listening as you write, and hope and dream. And your world is a better place because you are learning from your heart! You feel inside that this is a wonderful place to be... and it is so!

SOME RAMBLINGS

2009-04-11T06:14:00.000-07:00

The cycles of my life seem to come around to April as the beginning of all things. I was born on the 23rd of April, and began my life journey in the spring. How appropriate.

I ended the tax season again yesterday... well not quite, but I did at the CPA Firm I have now been at since 2000. So today is like a beginning again! April always is. I feel new again, after having felt so old for a while now.

The thing I have enjoyed about this blog site is that I can write, and share what I have written. I don't know how many view it, but I like to see my creations come to life on the big computer screen, so I enjoy it myself.

Our world is getting more connected to the internet. I found one of those sites the other day that everybody keeps in touch with everybody else on, and immediately found my best friend from high school I haven't heard from or seen in years, saw many family members there, and saw old friends sites almost everywhere. To me, that is a miracle. Laurel took to it pretty well herself!

I have always enjoyed people, and interacting with people, and sharing thoughts with people. Laurel is shy around folks, but she can be with them through the internet, and have her space at the same time.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can hear the arguments on both sides...

To me, it just is! All things have their positive/negative charges, but all things are needed in some way or another! I'm glad Laurel can share her world this way... pictures and thoughts of hers that the world can see. She is a beautiful person, but so few know it! To me, I am glad to share the computer keys with her and let her express!

But I like having this site to myself! Selfish maybe!

But I love having a forum to write from that goes outside of my computer. I have been storing writings in my computer for many many years, and it's time to let them wander out into the world now!

It is another new spring... and time for new growth to begin again!

IMAGINE

2009-02-23T05:34:00.000-08:00

Imagine that in this very moment there is only Joy.

Extremely hard to do... at first. Pain is known, and preferred, it seems. Drama!

Imagine that in whatever is here this moment, I called it to me...

Extremely hard to accept... at first. Easier to blame the outer world.

Imagine that the outer world is only reflection of the inner thinking processes...

Extremely hard to visualize... at first.

Until one practices creating what is really wanted... one doesn't realize that Joy in all things is possible...

...at first.

NOW

2009-02-02T04:38:00.000-08:00

A new hour...

A New Day...

A New beginning...

It is now that Is existance. All else is illusion, or perception, if you will. The moment that is lived is the only moment alive. Why do I drag past and present and what if into the mix? With all that baggage, I cannot live in the moment.

It is only in the moment that I can be effective.

It is only in the moment that effectiveness can happen.

That is magic, at it's very core.

I Am....

Flight Back from the Gardens...

2009-01-03T06:23:00.000-08:00

My close friend who introduced me to this Blogging bit also led me to another blogger who I have really enjoyed following... when I can. I was intrigued by her latest posting... she talked about a movie she and her husband had recently seen, and made the comment that they had found so many scenes that could have been taken right from their own life story...

and then further down in her December postings she mentioned having been tagged by one of her friends to "leave a list" of those things that exposed some of herself to the blogging world... by catagory.

I was curious to hear more of the movies she identified with, and if the Librarian checks in, I would like to check into her site some time and find a similar list as I am going to give below... (go to the gardens and look amongst the flowers for her Marley & Me posting...) if she gets the chance!

MOVIES THAT I HAVE FOUND MYSELF IN: (AND WHO I WAS... INCOGNITO!)

1. Mr. Holland's Opus... (Mr. Holland, and a touch of his deaf son)
2. August Rush... (August... and a great deal of Robin William's Character)
3. You've Got Mail... (who doesn't love being Tom Hanks in their alter ego!)
4. Lord of The Rings (Aragorn, Gandalf... and a touch of Legolas... I run like Gimli!)
5. Bucket List... (Morgan Freeman's expression... a letting go of responsibility leading to a deeper commitment to faith...)
6. It's a Wonderful Life... (Both Clarence and Bill Bailey... I play both parts in the infamous "you don't exist" sequence.
7. Bruce Almighty... (Oh, this one's a no brainer!)
8. A Beautiful Mind... (I don't even own this one... it was so intense for me...)
9. A Charlie Brown Christmas... (Lots of Linus in me, and lots of good old Charlie Brown!)
10. The Jazz Singer... (Neil Diamond has always nailed down my soul in song, and in that flick!)

The Year 2008 - All my Creative Efforts Exposed

2009-01-03T04:30:00.000-08:00

As it will take little time (from my point of view, at least!) to post to the Blog the whole of my writings for 2008, I shall do so now... in order of first appearance in my computer...

(Hang in there... there are only 5 pieces to peruse!)

May these touch your heart, as they have touched mine.

How did I make it to 2008?

How did I make it
to this moment in time?
How did earth survive
the horror I was taught in my youth
that we would endure?

Growing up in the cold war,
most of us didn’t believe
we would see
the 1990’s come to be.

What happened to the destruction
we were supposed to
unleash
against each other?

Oh, there are still many
who seek such,
or perhaps believe such…

Caught up in the stone of cultural
predictions,
and the horror we have all believed
was our “inalienable right”
as the enemies of God.

Mortal man.

Only a very few were supposed to be elected
to be with god
and the rest could go to hell.

That was (and is)
such a pervading belief
in the halls of
the “Politically Correct.”

Several years ago the
“Holy Wars”
started to be fought in earnest all over
our much diminishing world.

Always the children bickering
over who God loves most.

So at the beginning of this new year I ask…

How did we make it to this moment in time?
January 1, 2008….

I look out my window and find
blue and beautiful skies.

I hear the soft breathing
of family and friends sleeping away
last night’s celebration of yet
another turning of the wheel.

And I look in my heart to the loved ones I see
in my daily activities,
both at work and play.

And we have survived yet again
the coming of a new year.

More and more I know
that all of earth’s children
(animal, vegetable and mineral)
are the rightful heirs

of Deity…

however we all conceive of that.

And yes, as all years bring,
there are many horror stories
thrown to the winds…

and many hopeless,
lost in fear’s damnable clutches.

Yet in this moment,
more live on the planet than have ever been,
at least in the form of man.

And for whatever reasons,
we have yet to fully destroy ourselves
as a whole
(as the prophet’s have always foretold…)

I awoke to a day of hope.
Lately I do more often than not.
A huge peace entered my heart
some time ago
that refuses to depart.

I started believing in me.
I started believing that
I really wasn’t a doomed being at all.

And looking out from my shell
I began to realize
that no one around me
carried that status as well.

Not the flocks in the field,
or the fowls of the air,
or the flora and fauna that support
the life of all.

I realized a while back
that I had bought into the “Lie”
that I was separate
from all there is…
that somehow I had deserved to be
“separated from God.”

The only change I made
from transforming sorrow
to Joy
was to seek inside my own heart,
and find that I never had been separated at all.

It has all been an illusion
of man’s desire…

Not the reality of Creation.

Hello 2008!

When I was young I never thought
to see your day!

It has come.

And perhaps the stories I was taught in my youth
“of the end of my world”
came true after a fashion
after all.

The world I knew then does not exist,
at least,
not the perceptions I held then!

I have grown.
I have changed.
I have “transformed”
into a much more mature version
than I could have
conceived of then.

The biggest decision
I found that ever had to be made
in the game of this life
was ultimately very simple.

Choose Fear.
Or choose Love.

Both are powerful,
but only one is real.

The path I find myself on,
on this morning of reflection
and introspection,
has been a fun one!

A Joyous One!

Oh how quickly the sorrows and fears
melted out of my personal life…

The day I chose love.

Welcome 2008.

BKBushman 1-01-2008

AS IF THE TRUMPET WAS HEARD

Good Morning, Little One!

It is time to awaken
from this sleep
you call
mortality!

Do not cry
for the dreams of
your sleep,
for they always are a part of you!

But awaken,
refreshed,
and eager that
a new and Glorious Day
is here!
And you are a part of it!

It is time to awaken
to the hopes
you came into the planet with…

You know!

That little dream you hide from the world,
and more frustratingly,
from yourself
so that you can fit in!

Do you remember?
Think small!
Think innocent!
You still are, you know!
(Whether you believe it or no!)

It is time to wake up
to you!
It is time to stop living
other men’s hopes, dreams, frustrations,
and ambitions!

It is time to define
your own hopes, dreams, frustrations
and ambitions!
(And think about Joys)

(If you haven’t been about these things already!)

Wake up,
sweet, darling, precious
little one
for a grand day awaits you!

It is not a tomorrow thing.
It perhaps wasn’t found yesterday…
but that has been
The Illusion!

If you were told the Trumpet of Gabriel
has sounded,
what would take place in your heart?

Ah, but the Trumpet has already sounded!

Perhaps you didn’t hear it
because your ears and mind were full
with other men’s perceptions
of what
your reality should be!

Perhaps you fear that this
momentous tune
is about endings.

Dear little one!
It was never about endings!
It was never about beginnings!
That is a game
you chose to play
with all your friends!

There is really only
NOW.

So wake up to it,
grasp it,
and enjoy it.

Touch it’s flavor,
taste it’s nearness,
see you in it,
hear your own song

and dance your own tune!

You are loved little one!
More than you even know!

Love yourself,
the rest is easy,
once that great task has been accomplished!

In your dream
of mortality,
you just chose
to play the game backwards!

Today is here!
You are here!

Live it.
Love it!

Be it!

Sat Nam…
Namaste…
Adonai…
Espavo…

Joy!

BKBushman 1-16-2008

Revelation

In a dream
I walked onto
the Planet.

In a moment of innocence
I walked into
a game of horrors
and fear.

In a nightmare,
I walked into
this system known
as Sol.

In despair
I found a spark.
In hopelessness,
I found
a key.

I turned from the visions
of the outward journey,
so full of hatred,
and confusion,
and hopelessness…

In despair I turned inward.

Locking out the confusion
of the outer vision
of Earth,
I began to sense
an order.

I began to sense
a calm
I began to sense
a being
beyond that
which I had been
taught
about myself.
In so doing,
I finally began to grasp
the being that
is ME.

I began to understand
that I am part
and whole,
and part of
ALL THAT IS.

It was then,
that fear began
to leave my heart.

Love is indeed
a heady Balm.

BKBushman 06-23-2008

INNER BEAUTY

It seems that oft as darkness calls,
Beauty falls.
And light within begins to fade.

Played out on the stage of living
More often than not
Are the follies of depression and despair.

How many really care that this tragedy
Should be the final curtain?

Certainly Love is hard to express
On such a stage.
Outrage is an easier game…
Easier to blame than to believe.

Perceive, for one moment
That your inner beauty, though deeply scarred,
Is still your greatest gift.

Lift another.
Lift yourself.
The final curtain call is always about
The triumph over the tragedies.
Begin to believe in yourselves
For a grand chorus sings around you.

Quiet your heart,
And you will hear!
Life is meant for Joy’s expression…
And all of us are capable of sharing that.

If we so choose.

Believe in yourself.
The Holy Ones do.

Bkbushman 9-16-2008

LOVE IS SPOKEN HERE…

With so much fear
and anger and sorrow
and despair
cast into the airwaves
of our world,
it is hard to recognize,
let alone realize,
that love is still spoken here
on the planet.

The quiet sound of peace
has never ceased to be,
Though our noise has long
overshadowed it.

Open the heart to quiet
for only a moment or two in your day.
Soon you will understand
what she has to say,
for of all the languages that abound,
surround
And divide us at best…

In rest and repose,
we will recover our universal song…
where all of us belong.

In the music of stillness,
Listen.

It only takes a little practice
To relearn the Universal tongue…

BKBushman 12-31-2008

And a final bonus... an "easter egg" if you will for having stuck it out this long on this blog... this morning's effort... my first for 2009...

(…….)

Listen.
Listen.
Listen.

Quiet time is listening,
and in listening
there is much to hear…

Even in silence.

Listen to the silence of your mind…
the mind beyond the chatter.
Does it matter to drop the
storyline of your day
and play in silence?

Listen.
Listen.
Listen.

The language of God
is silence.

When Ego stops letting God know
how it should be…
then God can finally be heard…
in silence.

The still small voice
is…

BKBushman 01-03-2009

Time out for "Reality"

2008-12-07T00:10:00.000-08:00

There is a huge gap between what I last posted, and this new posting. A couple of months, I believe! This is an indicator that I have been much too busy in "The Real World" of work and sleep and work and sleep and chasing the almighty dollar... which these days is mighty tight...

In my little two halves of the brain world... I bounce between the left lobe of numbers, accounting, working business problems out, using the computer for spreadsheets and software that crunches numbers, IRS dealings, and other Government Agency reporting... ad nauseatum...

and the right lobe, where my heart resides... writing.

Having begun life as a musician, my passion is in music... the music of instruments, and the music that can flow in words that seek to find the deeper soul in expression... and share outward to others who hear the same Universal Song...

So Blogging is about the creative side for me... and the lack of blogging indicates that "the real world" has consumed too much of my time lately!

Periodically, it is my deep joy to go to my store of writings (over 30 years worth now exist in my computer banks) and let my heart guide me to a file that I feel I want to send out on my email circuit of folks in my life... to share something with them to perhaps help their days go better. I am always amazed at the responses that come back to me... from different folks at different times. As I know that there is an "Internal Guide" that directs me to a particular thing to share from time to time, I trust that there is a reason to follow that intuition and not ask why this particular thing or that should be shared on this particular day...

My faith almost always is rewarded in the feedback. And that is the heart of why I love to write.

I love to try and capture the deeper soul stuff we all feel when we can quiet the brain and daily activity long enough to hear it. I have spent long evenings with music and pen and pad, capturing the whisperings of Spirit as I hear it to the page. Often it comes to little more than venting, or ego lessons for me... but as often, I hear a song that when captured touches many hearts in many ways. I love this gift... and miss it when I am working so hard to make ends meet.

I have read authors who have said that they were surprised how some of their work was perceived and received. Some of the things that they wrote that were not that "special" to them personally really took off in the readership world! I experienced that the other day when I got up early and felt I had to send something off that day, and I surprised myself by going to a file that had nothing more in it but some exercises I had been putting down... mini thoughts... which isn't my usual way of writing... these were just images I was trying to put together, because my wife is an artist, and we have collaborated on a few things where she has drawn to some of my writings, and I wanted to give her some ideas to work with...

For me, it was like playing "Hallmark" writer for a day!

Anyway, the response was wonderful, and a little overwhelming for this exercise. I went to a meeting with some clients later that day, and found my email had been printed out and put up on a filing cabinet in the office! Later, when I checked my email, several of my folks had responded that this was just what they had needed that day to start the day off... and then later, my mom sent me a mailing from one of her friends that was asking permission to post some of those writings on her website.

All these things are an honor for me to hear, and feel, and share. It is why I began writing back in the early 1970's and why I continue to put effort into the process when in my world it has brought very little bread to the table!

One of my dear friends asked me to post these little gems onto my blog... I guess it's as good excuse as any to come back to the blog site after so long!

Some Images

May your journey find
peaceful moments,
as streams under mountaintops flow
through trees of
majestic silence
in the forests of your soul.

****************

Stand soft as trees in
afternoon light.
Listen to life’s echoes
from mountain tops,
and love’s joys
as waters of life
pass the roots of your being.
See hope embrace the Heart
of all that is you.

****************

Born as snow in
God’s Mountain heights,
we flow quickly now,
now slow,
Life to share,
in the moments of our wanderings
as we flow past the moments of our being,
as we partake of the beauties
of the varieties of all that lives around us.

****************

Streams still flow,
trees still sing in mountain breeze.
That we see them not today in
the outer rush of our busy-ness,
does not diminish the hope
of their soft joys
in the inner visions of our dreams.

****************

Patience lies hard
in winter ice...
beautiful, but cold,
awaiting only the kiss
of the sun of spring
to allow her moments to flow
softly once more.
Patience... leading to life
in abundance come spring.

****************

Though I feel barren this moment,
may I remember the hope of spring
that will free the ice
that holds me still now...
that holds the waters of life
that will feed me
in the days to come
when my heart will be renewed.

****************

Bruce K Bushman 2001

I was wondering...

2008-09-20T13:42:00.000-07:00

A Fairy Tale?

It is not the fear of dying
that scares me so much
now…

as the fear of not living.

It is the fear of giving less
than I have to offer,
and receiving less,
than I have in store.

It is more distressing to me
to see moments slip by
that I could have lived
more fully and aware.

It is missing the opportunity to care
for any that may come my way,
and missing,
perhaps,
my chance to give the gifts I have brought
from the holy worlds
into this place.

Chase the fears away,
sweet inner soul dreamer…
weaver of the magic that makes life
more than reality!

Clear the cobwebs in my throat
that I may sing again
as the little child who had no fear,
for all things were dear and new then…

Sing my heart,
to friends and soulmates,
in all their manifestations and robes!

Look into the eyes of all and send hope!
It is enough to know that I am not alone in such…
In daring to hope…
In daring to dream…

In daring to believe that all the world is due
for happy times to come.

BKBushman 2/02/2007

If I were to address the heads of state and industry in these momentous times...

2008-09-20T12:26:00.000-07:00

ONE FOR MY SUNSHINE... YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!

2008-09-18T15:52:00.000-07:00

In 1975 I joined the Army as a Band Musician. It was a good time to serve the country... Nixon had just pulled the troops out of Viet Nam, and the draft had ended the year before my high school graduation.

Military people weren't hero's then like they are supposed to be now, but that is a highly charged issue these days, and I'm not into political correctness or stirring controversy, and this post isn't about that anyway, but a salute to a dear friend who helped me in one of my darkest hours and maybe understands a little because we are email buds, but I want to honor her with a small tribute, because she needs to know that she has touched my life in ways deeper than I can thank her for... and I know that when life slows down for her a bit, she will check into this blog!

Dear Sunshine! Do you remember the poem you sent me from "Charlie's Monument" entitled "The Gift?" Do you know what you started with that simple sharing?

Periodically now, as I continue to write, and hone my gift for poems and lyrics, and express my soul, (mostly into my own computer banks), and lately as I begin to share those things out into my email world; I think of that book, and that poem. You sent it to me when you found out I had gotten into the drug world, and you sent me that which most deeply touches my heart! You sent me a simple poem. I hung that poem up on my barracks wall for the duration, and I made that poem my first real mantra.

I was thinking about my own little mountain that I guard, and the stones I go down and pick up to build that monument... each song I bring into my computer from my muses... as I go in to my files these days those individual writings from time to time over the last 30 years or so have become a very big gift that I hope to return to my Deep Friend and Advocate when I am released from this planetary assignment! They are my gifts to God, and the Godness, and goodness within each of us!

The words started out as my own form of healing. They are beginning to go into the world to help others now. Each day is more and more precious to me... I have been blessed with so many loved ones around me in my personal and my business life!

Little sister, there are no words that can give you the love in my heart for that gift you shared with me so long ago! I would like to post one of my earliest songs with this blog in your honor... you were the first to get one of my gifts! Consider this one of my earliest stones in my monument... a foundational piece that you inspired when we were silly and young!

Thank you my sister in Spirit!

A SONG FOR JOEY
1975

Wake up, m’lady, the sunshine's on the land.
Wake up, m’lady, take the morning by the hand.
You gotta wake up, m’lady, with the dawn light in your eyes.
Wake up, m’lady, and help the morning find the skies.

Shake the dreams of your nighttime, woman.
A new day is dawning and the world's in a bind.
Bless the day with your sweet smile, and woman,
there just ain’t no tellin all the joy we can find...
and hello sunshine,

Ya know I’m doin fine.

Wake up, m’lady, shake the twilight from your hair.
Wake up, m’lady, you gotta show the world you care.
And when you wake up, m’lady, you’ll feel the summer as it hits the skies.
So wake up, m’lady, the morning’s waiting for the light of your eyes.

Shake the dreams of your nighttime, woman.
A new day is dawning and the world’s in a tear.
Bless the day with your sweet smile, and woman,
I think we’re gonna find that there are people who care...
and hello sunshine.

I’m gonna feel all right,
I’m gonna make up my mind,
ya know I’m doin fine.
You’ve made me feel all right,
you’ve helped me make up my mind,
ya know I’m doin fine.

Shake the dreams of your nighttime, woman,
A new day is dawning, and the world's in a bind.
Bless the day with your sweet smile, and woman,
there just ain’t no tellin all the joy we can find.

And hello sunshine,
Ya know I’m doin fine.

The Latest Pebble found in the sky...

2008-09-16T05:48:00.001-07:00

PEBBLES ALONG THE WAY...

2008-09-06T04:07:00.000-07:00

Note to Myself

Joy
(Nirvana, Heaven, Insert favorite vision here…)
is not an estate
that will be handed to me
in some nebulous future.

It is a creation of
my own hands,
constructed by the stones of
my mindthought,
and held together
by the mortar of
the passions
of my heart’s
emotions.

With each breath
I architect the estate
that I surround my soul with.

And as the architect,
if I find myself in a house
I abhor,
I have the right
to tear down the stones
that don’t harmonize,
and chip away
at the mortar of frustration and hopelessness.

And begin,
with wisdom and love,
to construct my estate anew.

Joy is not a future event.

It is with me in every time,
and in every moment
that I choose to recognize it.

Joy is the birthright
of the Children of Light.

I only need accept it now…

Bruce K Bushman 5/22/2006

2008-09-06T03:58:00.000-07:00

Today's post is dedicated to those who have struggled with loud and hectic mind stuff... (which I am beginning to find is just about everyone...) this is a private conversation with the inner being within... a connection we all share. It is one of the prayers I expressed years ago as I began to find the road to inner peace was very accessible... and as I also began to recognize the sources of the chaos in my own path...

As a Little Child

I think deep on the night, when you took my flight
away from me.
I couldn’t see too well then,
when
I screamed at the skies in anger…
away from me.
Away from all I wanted to be.

I heard not your voice
through the winds of my anger and pain.
Yet you stood next to me,
silently,
and open to my hurts.

I felt you then,
when my crying ceased
and you released your tremendous Love
into my silent mind.

And time stood still.

And then later,
the awful pain of
a drug filled mind
and a solitary fate…
How I found so much hate to grasp,
I don’t remember now.

Time’s healing path brought me
out of the darkness of
childhood days,
and soon I saw
my wings would not stay clipped forever.

I feel you now
when I remember then.

And I don’t quite remember when
the bitterness left this being,
but you silently listened,
and never left me
in the agony of my despair.
You were always there.

And as I began growing a little more
into your light,
I found delight in the moments
of your quiet laughter
in my heart.
You became more a part of me
than I can even imagine.

You took my small hand in yours,
and gave me a purpose for being…
for seeing beyond the years of my infancy,
into an eternity
that I’ve only now begun to comprehend.

You sent me children of my own
to watch and to care for,
and to learn from…
Learn what it means to feel their anger
when I have to clip their wings
so they don’t fly too far,
too fast,
into skies that they aren’t ready for yet.

You complete the circle within me,
and I see the reasons
for your trials
of my faith.

It is the child in me growing,
knowing you to be there,
feeling you reaching for me after each and every fall.
I call on you,
and you are there,
helping this little one grow.

BKBushman 4/3/2006

One of My Most Favorite Writings...

2008-08-30T05:19:00.000-07:00

I wrote this at a difficult time in my journey. It brought me comfort, and focus. It has the energy's I oft strive for... recognition of the chaos... images of others on the journey with me and the gifts each bring... and the giving of thanks... the 'grace' that brings peace in the darkest of times...

Sitting Out a Storm
February 5, 1997
12:50 AM

The cutting edge of the cliff
rides to the ridge and above
to a storm filled sky...
A hawk tries the wind
in a futile search for food

and I cover my head and shiver in anticipation
of another cold and bitter night
in this canyon of my Journey.

To the west, the lightning show begins again,
as it did last night, and the night before...
and I can’t ignore the fear I feel
having walked alone and uncovered for so long.

The hawk is still trying the sky...
he sat on the butte for nearly an hour watching and feeling
the world he and I currently share.
I wonder if he cares for these storms anymore than I do.

Yet, inside of me is a dream...
and fear fades to wonder as I watch the power and glory
of the blackened sky as the blue powered bolts
of Heaven’s Fury play out their symphony on
the background of the cliffs before me.

I see inside of me my own furies at times,
yet, like the storm...
I know they will ride their angry song away
and day will break as blue and calm
as she has for time beyond time in this canyon that I walk in tonight.

I realize this storm is right for this land’s needs,
for her waters feed the soil, and the barren earth
brings forth the blade, that calls to the
hare...
And the Hawk and I care that this should occur in this way.

I don’t know how the Hawk will pray for the meal he’ll find
when the Storm rides out of the valley...
But I know my heart knows a way to say thanks to this maelstrom
that interrupted our evening this day.

Transition - Some Ramblings

2008-08-24T11:06:00.000-07:00

It has been a summer of transition all around me, and in all the lives I have been involved in. It has been a scary time for many, a hopeful time for some, a hopeless time for others...
and it has been hard on some level for all of us. And true to mortal character, we have all responded in different ways...

As I was thinking about blogging this weekend, I have had this uppermost in my mind and experiences, and I have had many talks with many people this weekend on this topic.

So I turned to one of my favorite rock and roll groups, RUSH, and wanted to put the lyrics of two of my favorite songs around one of my writings that came to the forefront when I thought about what to post this weekend. So round and round those two songs have been going on my I-tunes as I worked the lyrics into my blog. (I wonder if it is making my wife crazy!) I posted and reposted and worked out bugs in getting that right, and tweaking my own writing... and then it occured to me that I might be violating their copyrights on their songs, even though my intent was to share what they have already shared... but then I would also be violating an even deeper principle I have learned in this life... I just hadn't asked for their permission.

So I deleted their lyrics around my own writing, and it will have to stand then by itself for the reader... without the sounds that surrounded me as I wrote and posted it. I have been writing for over 30 years with the intent of someday having an audience that could be moved as deeply as I have been moved and taught going through the writing process. Always there is music around the experience. I wish I could put the reader in the place of the writer when many of these things come. It is an experience I would share with the whole world if I knew how. As it stands, I must be content that the reader will hopefully come away with something from my writing effort that will touch their hearts and perhaps their souls... but their own music will have to surround the words... whether that be silence, or otherwise.

And you know... that's okay! Their music will have the most impact anyway!

Music is a huge source of power, energy, motivation, and enlightenment for me. It comes into play on so many levels of my multi-level being and I almost always have some desire to have some around me.

Yesterday, on a client's dance studio floor, in the quiet of an early morning, I danced to silence. There was no one around to witness... no one to see the movement of body and muscle and sinew in this older but still very limber body as I "danced" and let go of my inner tensions and stress on that studio floor where my client's energies and lives and loves have touched so many people, including me. Many dances have happened on that studio floor. As it turns out, I just realized mine was the last. One of their friends came in and ripped up the floor an hour or so later. They are in major transformation now... a chapter has ended... a long and very influencial chapter.

My client taught me how to dance in spirit on that floor some years ago. She taught me how to let go of the ego of the mortal and touch the inner child of the immortal within me. In teaching me to dance in spirit, she was yet another teacher who taught me how to fly. She also taught hundreds of children over 40 years to do the same.

Her husband, one of my deepest friends lately, has been one of the few men that understands the joys of classical music, and spiritual experiences in everyday life that move me so much. One of the few men that I could share experiences with that you don't just put out there for everyday gossip, especially among men.

She is a dancer... he wears so many hats I don't know where to begin... they have teamed to love and give to many children and their children's children over the years all the gifts they came to earth with. And I have been honored to be touched by them in my capacity initially as an accountant... but ultimately as a soul friend. They have also played a major role in the last couple of years in the transitions of my family. In the capacity of real estate agent, he got us into our home now.

In the capacity of friends, they keep me on my toes! Thank you, my deep friends!

And music is what we share the best. Music... the universal language we all speak at some level, that moves all our hearts and minds and souls...

I wish I could put the music around the words that come when I write because that is part of the magic that makes the words work. Mostly, in this world of transition... I hope I can put the energy of love behind the words behind the music of my life that has helped me in my transitions, because I am not alone in what I've gone through... I have a world of brothers and sisters around me going through so many similar games! My mom shared words with me this morning that I want to pass on...

As you now have enough life experience behind you--being past a half century and all--you have come to a place in life where you can see how you always come out on top. That's a strange thing about life, how we always seem to get through the difficult times--wiser, stronger, and better for it all.

I love the hope and the faith in that! We will be okay.

Isn't it great we came into life with moms!

And isn't it great we have each other when the going gets really going!

By the way, I just had a talk not only with my wife, but with my daughter who lives downstairs! The music definately was making them crazy!

For A World in Transition

2008-08-23T20:41:00.000-07:00

There is Always Hope

A world plagued with death and dying...
war and hate and
the futile moments
that come and go
on a planet of turmoil...

There is always hope.

Life lived under intense stress.
No time for anything that matters
in the long run.
Work, sleep, work, sleep, work, sleep

and chase the chase that never brought
real meaning to the inner being.

There is always hope.
There is always purpose.
For everything there is a reason.

Find a moment of Joy in the routine.
Find a purpose for the place you are in.
Let Love guide.
Seek the reason for the routine...

Ask your inner soul to show you the faith
that all is well.
It will be.

Time is not forever.
Forever is forever.
It is not time.

Time is the classroom.
Forever is the Living
of the lessons learned.

You are eternal.
You will grow.
You will succeed.

All it takes is love,
and faith in yourself

(and the myriad beings around you,

both seen and unseen.)

There is always Hope.

BKBushman 11/20/2003

A Garden of Weeds

2008-08-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

Flying back from another blog site called "Gilian's Gardens", I was impressed to post the following writing from some years ago... If you find yourself on my flight path, Gilian, this one's for you...

A Garden of Weeds

Joyous walk, soft talk,
musical talk, spiritual walk...

A journey of no few steps,
yet a journey that seems too quickly traveled
in retrospect.

I neglect to give thanks to the path
so often,
and pass the joys
along my way as if
they were weeds to be shunned.

I’ve been noticing weeds a little bit,
lately.

So many have small flowers of color
that add dimension to my walks.
(and joy!)

I have recently learned that weeds
are the hardy plant that begins
the growth process for other life forms to come.

I look at the weeds in the garden of my life now
in a new perspective,
and give thanks that they
have given me strengths
that until recently,

I was blind to.

Bruce K Bushman 8/1/01

To Sleep, Perchance to Dream

2008-08-18T14:42:00.000-07:00

I place my jammies on my bod,
and kneel for evening prayer,
then quickly jump into my bed
to meet the sandman there.

I snuggle quickly in the sheets
the pillow gets a fluff,
and soon I drift in silent mode
to deal with vision stuff.

T’is there I meet with dog and cat
who chase me down the street,
but nowhere do I go with speed,
for something drags my feet.

Now quickly doth the vision change
at church, at speaking, I
now find myself delivering speech
in jockey shorts and tie.

Yet no one finds this strange or weird
and quickly am I now
in wonderment at how I came
to be in love with cow.

Then at alert, with open eyes
I thought that I had fell,
from off a cliff, or off the bed
My heart beats fast as well.

Yet snoring comes so quick again
and flying off I go
to rescue dear fair maiden sweet
whose face is white as snow…

Her ruby lips I softly kiss
and whisper sweet her name,
then wide awake I come with hurt,
My wife’s not named the same…

With aches and groans I fall asleep,
to horrors yet to be,
I light my self a cigarette
not one, nor two, but three

Now visions speed and visions twist
where nothing quite remains…
the imps who write my nightly scores
are playing with my brains.

Hark, now some lovely beauty comes
to dance a tease… I sigh…
yet when her dance is finished,
she is just another guy.

Then monster comes into my view
with drooling in it’s jaw,
Yet fear is nil, I see that he
is just my mom in law.

I only hope to wake real soon
I pinch myself with pain,
and glory be, I find that I
am late for work again.

(I can’t wait until tomorrow night…)

BKBushman 3-9-2006

It appears I may have a fan!

2008-08-18T14:25:00.001-07:00

My mother called today. I hadn't answered her emails for about a week. I hadn't seen she had called twice yesterday, as I had put my phone on the charger for the weekend, and hid it in my office so as not to hear it.

I explained that I hadn't looked at the computer all weekend either, because I get too much of it during the week and I was sick to death of looking at computer screens, so I had pulled my pillows around me on the couch, had heated up the remote controls, and had spent the weekend vegatating as men love to do.

She said that she had noticed I also hadn't changed my blog in a while!

So I am excited now! I have a fan on my blog site! (Thanks mom!)

My parents sometimes wonder about me when they don't see me visibly in the electronic world...either with emails or calls. In our world it is getting increasingly harder to hide as we are always under the eye of "Big Brother" in one way or another. I once read that nowadays with all the camera surveilance in stores and elsewhere we can usually be seen on somebodies electronics at least a couple times of day! Gone are the days when you could get away from mom and pop without them worrying about you, or knowing what you were up to!

Maybe this is a good thing! Mom got a hold of me today, after a week of stress, and found out I was okay... just being a bum (which is not a thing you always want to admit to your parents, but being a parent myself, I guess I'm never surprised to find out my own kids are being lazy!)

Anyway, since at least one other person besides me is now checking into my site, I guess it is time to update it again! It is a fun thing to do, when you still have the energy to have fun on the computer... after a week of working accounting or letters, it isn't always so much fun to still be on the computer anymore! Too much of a good thing, is still too much!

Fortunately for me, I have about 30 years of my writings already polished up and ready for the blog screen, and so I will come back and post one of my writings from my selections. It is what drew me to being able to blog in the first place!

So, mom, my fan... enjoy! I'm sorry now that I already sent you copies of these as I was writing them. I guess I'll still have to come on and be original anyway, huh! Ah, such is life...

Fortunately, I'm now sick of sitting in front of the tv...

(Moderation in all things is something I eventually work out by overdoing everything, and then ignoring those same things for months to come!!!!)

21st Century Man

2008-08-03T21:21:00.000-07:00

I'm kidded a lot around here lately because I have this thing for watching "Home Improvement" all the time. As we buy DVD seasons, I am free of commercial interruption (and corruption) but the flip side is that I can run a whole lot of episodes back to back and it grates on the wife's nerves after awhile! I get a lot of kidding for watching Tim and Al all the time. But there is a purpose behind my almost addictive need to view...

What is not confessed on my part around here is that I'm secretly trying to find and get in touch with my male side again. I grew up not only in the racial confusions and tensions of the sixties, but also in the feminine movement that has so changed and confused the old concept of the macho male being. I have two mothers... and both are very liberated... were more so during the time I was a young man growing up. They weren't much defined by the mother/housekeeper type near as much as other women of their day were in this valley at the time...

As a result I think I feel that many of the men of my generation were sent out into the world with many mixed signals and new concepts of what our role in the world was. They say it used to be so simple! The guy went out to work in the morning, the gal stayed home and made sure it all worked there. If the car broke down, it was the guy expected to crawl under the hood, if the child acted up, it was mom that did the actual frontline war duties... dad was merely the threat that would close the deal at the end of the day... Then along came "Mr. Mom" and "Private Benjamin" and the whole world was turning upside down!

Now I had good male examples growing up, don't get me wrong! My dad could fix anything, and it was rare that he didn't have a power tool or a wrench close to his person at most times! My first experience with a skill saw, however, left my dad in great fear for his life! I cut through the cord... I was done! I never liked working on cars... either it was too cold or too hot, or then all that grease and dirt and all... and no two boards would line up for me for anything to save my neck in shop...

So I turned to writing, and music, and then accounting, and went for the office work that would keep tools and other such dangers out of these hands that weren’t built for the tool box! As a result, I have tender and sensitive hands, as well as a tender and sensitive heart. I don't like macho male war movies and you can keep your sports and extreme recreational shows, but I love to sit through a "feel good" marathon and to have a box of tissues handy for a chic flick! This is extremely embarrassing for me to admit, so watching Al, who is the guy on "Home Improvement" who has the real working skills but also has an ability to be a sensitive man, is a relief to me! Knowing that men exist like Tim who are extremely macho grunting oriented, but totally inept with tools is also very helpful to my confused male ego!

To keep tabs on what should be a clearly defined male persona, I have kept a beard for some time now. The ladies around my house love this, so it isn't a point of contention for me as some of my other male counterpoints have run into in their homes. It helps me keep my manly focus on those days when I'd rather be with the girls at the office gossiping over next week's American Idol hero, and which shade of lipstick would accentuate my skin tones, and what earrings would look better with my light blue chiffon ensemble.

Come to think of it, however, a lot of guys are showing up at the plant with just such problems... how to keep earrings out of the machinery and highlights on the cheekbones on hot sweaty days... my daughter told me tonight that some are out there now worried about eyeliner getting in the eyes when they get sweaty driving in the sun...

Tim and Al, help me! I'm getting so confused!

Letting Go of Stress

2008-07-31T18:19:00.000-07:00

We embrace her energies
like jealous lovers,
this being called stress.

We address our lives
to her whims
in most of the moments
of our wakefulness.
We cling to her,
embrace her,
and hate ourselves for
her pitiful use of our energies and desires.

We claim stress from without,
in the dilemmas’ of our days
and take her to bed
to stir the nightmares of our dreams.

In reciprocation, our world rocks
with the stress
of our combined unbalanced energies.

Our pleas go to the heavens
for relief,
yet in our chatter
their answers go unheeded.

What is needed
to overcome this beast we walk with every day?

Simply learn to pray,

without words.

Start there to shut off the chatter
of your stress filled minds.
Find the time
in a simple moment
to let go
of everything that you cling to.

Relax.

Breath slowly.

Embrace a simple thought of Love Energy
and focus her light
around the inner vision
of your own soul.
Embrace the being that is you!

Think of nothing else.

Experiment with this tool
for one minute today.
Tomorrow give it two minutes.

With time you will find that
simply giving a moment of your day
to find and love yourself
will transmute the energies
of chaos
into a web of understanding
and balance.

Let go of everything in this moment…
in this now.

Then accept back
only those things
that you really can do something about today.
Let all else go away for now.

Live in the moment.
Live in the moment with a simple love
for the moment.

Life was created to be
a joyous event.
The sky and the stars,
the flora and fauna
all understand this balance.

They do not whisper
chaotic prayers
to the cosmos
and cling to energies
that do not belong to them.

For a moment,
stand softly as a tree in a summer breeze
and listen to the prayers
of a tree’s mind.

What you find
is going to surprise you!

BKBushman 12/02/2006

I Worry, Therefore, I Am

2008-07-24T03:49:00.000-07:00

I Worry, Therefore, I Am

Hello new and beautiful day
(What if it rains later, should I take my umbrella?)
I walk your way in joy and peace,
(What if I walk into a puddle and catch cold?)
and cease my inner struggle
(I left something on the stove, I just know it)
towards the perfect me I think I’m supposed to be.
(What if they notice I cut myself shaving this morning?)

Write your story in my heart,
(I forgot to write my kid an excuse note again)
and may I start to hear the clearness
(What if his teacher thinks I’m the biggest flake)
of your simple ways.

Cleanse my days from
(What if she doesn’t show for lunch?)
the distractions I lose myself in.
(What if I leave my keys in the car again)
I begin to find the softness
(What if he didn’t let the dog out again)
in my inner being.

Now I will be seeing the moments of
(What if I misplaced the utility bills and they aren’t really paid?)
Inner peace
(What if that stupid man really does declare war)
now that I know them to be.

Help me see with clear eyes the youth that once I knew..
(What if I can’t reverse this baldness)
My true nature was more alive then.
(What if I die without my pants on…)

BKBushman 3/30/2006

The Night Life

2008-07-24T02:58:00.000-07:00

I will begin by saying this essay was inspired by a fellow blogger who wrote about being sleepless, struggling with insomnia. I am up a few hours later reading her blog, and she got me thinking... out loud!

When I was young, I was a night person. My children are today. But I wasn't a night person to party... being a writer most of my life, the night was when the muses were out, and with the help of music, I was able to touch the infinite possiblities... to fly beyond the boundaries of our gravitational pull, and touch the sky. I was able to climb out of the whirling chaos of daily thinking, and worrying, and was able to let go of the beast that tries to suck our spiritual and emotional energies out of us... stress.

So I have a special affinity for the night time. I once read that the hours between 3 and 5 am are almost "magical" and I have had the opportunity to put that to the test many times. I still love the peace of the early morning. And when I do enter those magical hours in my concious state, I still feel the magic!

But I have had to learn to balance that with my daily needs of having to take care of job and family, and I have not always been successful. Lately I sleep pretty well, but I have always gotten up two or three times in the night (my thanks go out to the soda pop creators of the world and my deep passion for bubbly liquids!)

My blog friend talked about the difficulties of falling asleep that she has. How I can relate to that as well. Somedays you just wish you could flip a switch, and the brain noise would instantly shut off. I've got another very special friend that doesn't sleep most nights as well. Business troubles consume his mind most nights. I can relate there! I am self employed, and many are the nights devoted to how to catch that elusive dollar bill! If only I could figure an honest way to bill all the time I have worked on client's issues during the sleepless hours! (I understand lawyers have figured it out...)

I would suggest to my sleepless blog friend the wonders of drugs and alcohol, but she has been much smarter in her life and has avoided those pitfalls! She'll never know the joy of waking up beside the toilet and not remembering how you got there!

So do I have an answer for her? I know what has worked for me, but we each walk life a little differently, and I don't know if my remedies would be of much value! But some years ago, I began simple meditation. I'm not talking about the Hollywood version of meditation... lots of chants and candles and sitting weird and mumbling. I'm talking about simply focusing on stilling the muscles of the body first, and "letting go" of thoughts. Like anything, it takes practice. When we are used to letting the mind go hither and yon around our brain pans, it takes a great deal of patience to open some kind of window in the head and let the thoughts go out of that instead of bouncing around in the space between our ears!

I have always been a very abstract thinker, and am very good at visualization. These are tools I can use to help me "let go" of the daily grind. My favorite vision with letting go of thoughts is to see them as clouds drifting away... being a sky person, this is the easiest visualization for me! I have written many peices about "inner peace." Most of us are so caught up in this life that we don't even know how to begin the search. My first steps toward success was to "let go" of the media. Talk about shoving stress down our throats! But I also have had to learn to "let go" of those things that most consume my thinking... at least for a little while. To realize that everything we think today is absolutely important and has to get done will be meaningless a year from now helps me gain perspective, and helps me cling less to todays thoughts... at least in the moment. And it is the moment that is all we are ever given to live in, if you think about it!

My friend talked about living the past and the future and today all at once, and all the time! That's a lot of thoughts to be cycling through in any given moment, and I'm sure all of us relate to how that works! Computer speeds are nothing compared to the speed of this marvelous brain we each have! We can worry over a lot of stuff in a matter of moments somedays! The trick that has worked for me is to realize I can shut off all noise... for one second. With a little practice, I can then shut off the noise for 2 seconds.

And once you get a feel for "hearing silence..." a whole new world opens up...

More on that later!

Family

2008-07-20T22:06:00.000-07:00

"You can choose your friends, but not your family"

... the saying goes. Well, I couldn't have chosen better if I tried! That goes for the wonderful girl I have now spent 29 years with, and the three kids that have come into our circle! Our baby is about to turn 20, and the years have flown! I am honored to be in their lives, and they tolerate me the best they can!

(It's a good thing our girls love beards! Us guys are afraid of razors!)

2008-07-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

A Thought of Love to my fellow earth travelers…

Transcending time and space,
I found my place
(in one moment)
as eternal soul.

Never ending…
never beginning,
winning sometimes,
and other times losing,
but always on a journey…

The Journey that Soul walks.

In despair I found myself
in depths of pain I did not want
(but had called myself to…)

and through never ending agony
I finally realized
that pain ends
when I shift my heart and thought
to other ways.

Now days of Joy have come my way.
It is hard to say why, sometimes,
to the mortal being
I typically try to cling to…
My rational brain doesn’t grasp

that I am the miracle,
that I am the creator,
that as a person thinks,
so we become.

So I thought of love,
no, of Love…
and watched my world change around me
even as I had fallen,
I had drawn myself to healing,

and searching to thank the angels…
I suddenly saw them
in the eyes of those around me.
In the living, walking souls
that I share life with day to day.

In small ways they
echo the thoughts
that I dwell upon…
unfailingly
they reflect to me

the energy of my own love or hate.

In despair of thought
I brought despair around me…

In joy of life,
I brought life’s Joys to me.

Thank you for being,
each of you,
a reflection of the Joys of my heart
and the miracles of my growing.

BKBushman 4-20-2007

Initiation

2008-07-18T20:22:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh... a blog.

How does one approach such a thing? I have been writing for over thirty years, and I find myself entering a universe unimagined in all my sci-fi dreams! I can put myself out there... finally!

And have no one to edit me? Oh my gosh...

Well... here goes...